Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Time to Stop Wasting My Precious Time on an Unworthy Guy

Do not squander time for that is the stuff life is made of.
-Ben Franklin
I loathe wasting time. Life can be wickedly and deliciously unpredictable, and I want to use every minute I have. There are many things I want to do and people I want to see, which require scheduling; ever since I can remember, when I see an empty space in my calendar, I am inclined to fill it.

I consider myself fortunate to have a job that doesn’t require me to be on call, a couple of extra dollars in the bank that I can choose to waste on my entertainment, an assortment of awesome friends to hang out with, and a healthy body that can exercise (I really appreciate this since my knee injury). So, I can and often do pack seven days a week with fun/fulfilling/intoxicating activities.

This is how I do my life and it works for my type-A self.

With this understanding of my values and personality, I have been struggling a bit the past few weeks. I have been seeing this guy, Mike, and thanks to him, I have realized that being with new people, particularly when dating, means gambling my most precious commodity. Sure, sometimes it pays off, but what if the guy sucks? That time spent with him could have been spent doing something that could have been guaranteed enjoyable time, and therefore my time can feel wasted. I HATE THAT.

(Yes, with an attitude like this one, I probably shouldn't be dating anyone right now. But anyway...)

Gambling My Time with a New Guy

Admittedly, from the start I described Mike as arrogant and spoiled, but also seeming to have a very sweet and generous side. So, why not give him a few tries?

A couple of dates later I was bored of hearing him talk about how super he was. I decided he was a good kisser but kind of a dick so I wanted out. I told him thanks but no thanks. Well, his response was so sweet that I completely second guessed myself and said nevermind, let's keep hanging out! This was extremely unlike me -- I'm usually quite decisive, almost to a fault.

What made me start accepting that Mike was not worthy of my time was when being with Mike meant losing time with people I care about.

A few days ago, I was hanging out with Pete and his best friend Kyle. These two guys have the most genuine bromance you have ever seen, so I love hanging out with them. (As a sidenote, I have a killer crush on Kyle, but of course he lives seven hours away. But I digress.) We spent a Sunday drinking bloody marys, eating french fries, and telling stupid stories about each other and just laughing a ton.

But, because I'm a compulsive calendar filler, I had plans to see Mike that evening. After Pete teased the hell out of me for double booking my Sunday, I had to tear myself away from him and Kyle. 

As I drove to Mike’s, all I could think was how much I was enjoying my minutes with Pete and Kyle, and now I was trading those minutes to be with a guy I was lukewarm about.

I was right. My time with Mike was fine, but whatever. My time with Pete and Kyle was great.

I gambled and I lost.

I saw Mike last night. I could have come home after my volunteering commitment and written a long overdue blog entry. I could have read for book club. I could have thrown in a load of laundry, caught up on People magazine, or gone to bed early. I could have done a bazillion other things that would have made me feel happy and/or productive. Instead, I spent a few hours with a guy who wasn’t that good of a match for me. I am now certain he isn’t going to be my boyfriend. And he was totally trying to pressure me in to having sex. What is this, West Beverly Hills High School?!

Why the hell did I bother? In my gut, I've known all along this wasn't a person I should choose to share my time with.

Again, I gambled and lost.

I’m done seeing Mike. He’s not worth the gamble.

Epic Mommy Adventures


  1. Good for you!

  2. Thanks Leslie! ;)

  3. I think when you start valueing yourself more, you start valueing your time more. And realizing what is not and what is worth the time....
    And this is such a timely post!
    I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months a week ago. Got to the point where I just felt like I was more invested in the relationship than she was. And thus I didn't know if it was going to go anywhere and I was feeling lukewarm about her and my time with her. So I just reclaimed a dozen or more hours of my time every other week and I feel pretty good about it. I miss her as she was my closet friend, but the girlfriend/dating/sex part wasn't good enough to keep seeing her.
    So place yourself and your time first as no one else will if you don't!!! Cheers, --Mike

  4. Yes, that is probably true. I am also recognizing that I need to be more active in my dating choices -- like I didn't need to spend another minute with this guy just because he was choosing me, you know?
    Sorry to hear about your breakup. I hope the person who will be a better fit is just around the corner. :)

  5. You know the old saying you must go through a lot of frogs before you meet a prince.

  6. Paula Reed NancarrowMarch 25, 2015 at 2:04 PM

    There's a point at which a gamble becomes a tradeoff, and then you can assess whether or not it's worth it. You got there. He's not. End of story. But it made a good blog post. ;-)

  7. Exactly. I was surprised to hear from him tonight. I didn't straight up ignore, but I didn't further the conversation. Hopefully he'll just get bored and go away!

  8. Unfortunately, sometimes we gamble our precious time and lose. I agree, I hate when that happens. When it comes to guys, we know almost right away if we want to give them our time or not. That happened to me once, when I knew from the first conversation that he wasn't right, tried to break it off in the beginning and he thought me out of it. Later, we still had the bad break-up I could have avoided if I trusted my instinct. Anyway, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, that's life.