Is your wedding ring off, like really off, not even trying
it on once in awhile when no one’s around? Are you past the point of bursting
into tears driving home from work? Are you curious to see what dating will be like?
Perhaps you’re ready to Put Yourself Out There, one of those
platitudes that divorce/single people have to hear. A lot.
I know it’s really scary to take the padlock off of your battered heart and bruised ego to let new people in, but let me tell you -- it’s worth it.
I got to thinking about this because of last weekend. I hung out with lots of new people – we’re talking four girls on
Friday, six girls on Saturday, and two guys on Sunday. Only one of these people
had I hung out with more than a few times. I thoroughly enjoyed each day and each new person I met.
As I walked home Sunday night, quite amused and pleased with
how my weekend had transpired, I thought of a great compliment that Nora
recently gave me:
“You have a cool life, and you did it yourself.
I have a great life with my husband, but I share the credit with him.
But your life, your new friends, your condo… that’s all you.”
I have a great life with my husband, but I share the credit with him.
But your life, your new friends, your condo… that’s all you.”
I hadn’t thought about things that way, but she is right! My divorce was finalized almost two years ago. The way I have set up my life is all my doing, and one of the
coolest parts has been the new people I’ve been meeting, thanks to Putting Myself Out There.
When I think back on my years with Max, I was putting so
much effort into trying to save our fledgling relationship that I had no extra
energy for forging new relationships. Hell, I am fortunate that I didn’t lose any
friends during this difficult time.
Since I have been free of my troubled marriage, I am proud
to say that I have been Out There plenty. Sometimes it has paid off beautifully, and
other times it has ended in heartache.
In the past year, yes, I have done a lot of dating. (In
fact, I counted and I kissed 13 people in 2014. Yes, I’m secretly 16 years old
and I make lists like this.) I have had some wonderful highs from the early
days of dating when you see much promise, and I have had the sting of having it
collapse and you have no idea why. After years of rejection from my ex-husband,
I have FINALLY had some great sexual experiences with both guys I have liked
and guys who are just my Special Friends. I’m coming into my own in the sack –
better late than never!
Admittedly, parts of dating have made me want to hide under
my bed or swear off men entirely. But I’m so proud of myself for experimenting
with dating, even now while I hover in the gap with Ryan. (Sadly, I think our
days are numbered, but I’m trying to be brave and not sabotage what’s still
there.) Eventually, I will find love again, but that will only happen if I stay
Out There.
But it’s not just in my dating life where I have taken
emotional risks. I have made new friends since I moved back to Ford in 2013. I was already blessed to have wonderful friends in my life, but there is something to
be said for challenging my heart and mind with new company. These days,
I do not shy from building new friendships with women and men. I have taken friendly acquaintances and elevated them. Or, when I meet
someone who I think will enrich my life, I seize the moment. I ask for the person’s phone number and suggest getting together. Sure,
some of those phone numbers end up eventually getting deleted from my phone,
but in plenty of cases I have formed new friendships, such as Yoshi, Mandy, and Meredith.
When I think about how I want my life to look, I truly feel
like I’m on the right track. Unlike when I was married and sinking energy into
a doomed relationship, it’s empowering and exciting to expend energy on cultivating
healthy relationships.
So, thank you Nora, I will take total credit for this cool life of mine, thanks to Putting
Myself Out There!
What changes have you seen in your life from Putting Yourself Out There?
