Tuesday, July 1, 2014

What Should A Blogger Do When Her Identity is Revealed?


Confession: My real name isn’t Divorced Kat. 
My ex-husband’s name isn’t Max. 
The town I live in is not Ford. 
And pretty much every name I’ve ever mentioned has been a false one.

When I started this blog, it was with Max’s knowledge. He didn’t like that I was going to write about something having to do with him, but he knew he couldn’t stop me. But, he made one thing very clear:

This blog must not get traced back to me.

Sure, there’s my privacy at stake, but I’m the one taking risks by writing about everything from my years of pain and rejection in my marriage to post-divorce sex and masturbation to not being a mom. I guess you could say it’s a risk I’ve been willing to take for the sake of my own healing process and moving on.

When I read entries from last year, I just can’t believe how far I have come. And when I think about how desperately lonely and scared I was two years at this time (pre-blog), when I knew my marriage's demise was inevitable, it amazes me how a broken heart can heal. This blog has been instrumental in my healing process. I’m truly proud of what I have written and the exploration I have done.

But, by default, I have put Max’s privacy at risk as well as pretty much every guy I date/kiss while drunk at a bar. And if he had sex with me, he’s SO going in the blog.

Well, recently, I was shocked to find out that people who know me in real life read this blog – people who know me, but I don’t know if I know them. And furthermore, at least one of these people knows Carl, the charming 27-year-old I wrote about last week. And… yes, Carl found out what I wrote about him.

Carl knows that's me behind
the question mark.
My blog is my sanctuary, where for more than 70 entries I have boldly shared whatever I want. I couldn’t believe my worlds had collided.

After literally stopping in my tracks and yelling, “Fuck!” when I found out about my cover being blown, I bounced between feeling totally embarrassed that Carl had read what I’d written about him, and angry and exposed that people from my real life were reading this without my OK, and then maybe a touch flattered that people who know me but aren’t my friends even give a shit to read my words.

So, out of respect for his privacy, I will not be blogging about Carl. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty bummed about this. I would love to share the great dates we had over the weekend, but I cannot. I hope you, dear reader, can understand and forgive me for finally having a topic that I’m considering off limits for the foreseeable future.


Fellow bloggers – has your online life ever found you in real life? How did you handle it?
Epic Mommy Adventures

22 comments:

  1. I've given up on trying to stay anonymous. Instead I make sure I don't write about stuff that can come back and bite me in the ass.

    Momfever

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  2. Well besides the now pondering question of DO we live close enough to meet in real life - I totally get it. Except it was my ex and his family from finding about the new blog. My old blog I wrote FOR family so it didn't count, once the whole separation and divorce went down I started my new one. Its probably why I don't get as many comments, but I don't care. I needed the space to vent, commiserate and journey where I've been.


    I found out his family knew and for a little bit I was worried, but then I said screw it. This is my space and I've taken extreme care not to write anything horrid or to simply put that this is my opinion only. So I figure, oh well. My space. My thoughts. :-D

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  3. I was very selective about which friends get to see my blog. My parents know it exists, but they don't have the URL, so I pick entries that I copy, edit, and paste into email to share with them. And yes, every guy thinks he's going to get a spot in my blog!

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  4. Yes, agree. I write whatever I want here, BUT I do recognize that words have consequences. So, I am careful about the amount of detail I reveal and I don't say mean things about people (though, honestly, I don't have mean things to say anyway).

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  5. Nods I get that. I think though, because of how friendly you are with the ex and ex-in-laws its different. :) Mine hate my guts which makes it different. But when it comes to dating, etc I am 100% right there with you. I don't really talk about it unless its dead & gone.

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  6. Yeah, I'm trying to keep a low profile in my blog (not completely anonymous), but I don't write about super personal things like you do. It's hard to stay anonymous online because people have become really good at researching and following certain links. So, are you going to make major changes now or just stop talking about that one guy?

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  7. It's so true, I suppose it's naive to think that I could stay all that anonymous. I'm going to try to stay true to my topics and style, but it does feel weird knowing about these readers. But, as I said, no more talking about Carl. And as we well know with dating, who knows how long or short of a time he might be a topic for this blog!

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  8. Live by SurpriseJuly 2, 2014 at 8:46 PM

    Only my husband, one of my sisters and two very very close friends know about my blog. I've changed everyone's names and fudge some personal facts about myself (maybe even my birthday - which, according to G+ was yesterday). If my ex ever found out...well let's just hope that doesn't happen. ��.

    PS - hi Carl! Take care of our Kat huh?

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  9. AwkCelebEncountersJuly 7, 2014 at 10:34 AM

    I approve of dating men named Carl. That is all.

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  10. Hahaha I'm sure you do!!

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  11. Yeah, my ex would be none too pleased if he read this. Even worse if the Incredible Sex read my blog!

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  12. So far only my husband and kids know about my blog - I hope to keep it that way - but who knows!

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  13. I'm not really hiding but I haven't told anyone either so I'm not exposing it but I do like to think I am slightly anonymous. I don't use real names but my blog being so small I don't think anyone will ever luck upon it anyway. :)

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  14. Stopping by from Turn It Up Tuesday. Great post, I discovered your blog several months ago. One thing that I've learned as a blogger is that nothing is private when you post on-line. My personal relationships are off limits on my blog unless I'm writing in general. You could limit the readers on your blog, by using Invite Only. You have to approve the readers. Best wishes.

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  15. It's amazing how word can spread!

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  16. That's what I thought! Then word got around, apparently!

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  17. Thanks for reading!
    That's an interesting idea to use Invite Only... but then people like you couldn't read my stuff. :( I'm not seeing Carl anymore, so I'll just have to be MUCH more careful in the future.

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  18. I suspect a guy I dated last year found out - little did I know that when I installed the Twitter app on my phone it sent out something to my contacts who also had Twitter apps, informing them that I owned the secret Twitter account. Luckily I don't have many friends with Twitter, unluckily one of them was a guy I wrote unfavorably about. Goodbye, Twitter app!

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  19. This is my first visit to your blog so I don't know how candid you've been in the past.
    I'm sorry to hear you got "found out". I blogged anonymously previously and there's a reason if you are doing so - so sorry it happened. I'd have been upset to have been found out - part of why I now blog in my own name. But I clearly get why you'd choose not to here.
    This is a great post on this topic!

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  20. Thanks for stopping by, Louise. I've been very open about everything over the past 17 months, so this was a pretty jarring experience. But, I'm no longer seeing Carl, so it is kind of moot anyway! (Though I'll need to be more careful in the future.)

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  21. This is sad. Like anything else you put online, there is the risk of the "wrong people" seeing it. Thank you for sharing. Hello from Turn It Up Tuesday.

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  22. It's a risk I'm willing to take but I'll be more careful. Thanks for stopping by! I love Turn It Up Tuesday. ;)

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