Confession: My real name isn’t Divorced Kat.
My ex-husband’s name isn’t Max.
The town I live in is not Ford.
And pretty much every name I’ve ever mentioned has been a false one.
When I started this blog, it was with Max’s knowledge. He didn’t like that I was going to write about something having to do with him, but he knew he couldn’t stop me. But, he made one thing very clear:
This blog must not get traced back to me.
Sure, there’s my privacy at stake, but I’m the one taking risks by writing about everything from my years of pain and rejection in my marriage to post-divorce sex and masturbation to not being a mom. I guess you could say it’s a risk I’ve been willing to take for the sake of my own healing process and moving on.
When I read entries from last year, I just can’t believe how far I have come. And when I think about how desperately lonely and scared I was two years at this time (pre-blog), when I knew my marriage's demise was inevitable, it amazes me how a broken heart can heal. This blog has been instrumental in my healing process. I’m truly proud of what I have written and the exploration I have done.
But, by default, I have put Max’s privacy at risk as well as pretty much every guy I date/kiss while drunk at a bar. And if he had sex with me, he’s SO going in the blog.
Well, recently, I was shocked to find out that people who know me in real life read this blog – people who know me, but I don’t know if I know them. And furthermore, at least one of these people knows Carl, the charming 27-year-old I wrote about last week. And… yes, Carl found out what I wrote about him.
|Carl knows that's me behind |
the question mark.
My blog is my sanctuary, where for more than 70 entries I have boldly shared whatever I want. I couldn’t believe my worlds had collided.
After literally stopping in my tracks and yelling, “Fuck!” when I found out about my cover being blown, I bounced between feeling totally embarrassed that Carl had read what I’d written about him, and angry and exposed that people from my real life were reading this without my OK, and then maybe a touch flattered that people who know me but aren’t my friends even give a shit to read my words.
So, out of respect for his privacy, I will not be blogging about Carl. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty bummed about this. I would love to share the great dates we had over the weekend, but I cannot. I hope you, dear reader, can understand and forgive me for finally having a topic that I’m considering off limits for the foreseeable future.
Fellow bloggers – has your online life ever found you in real life? How did you handle it?