Monday, April 28, 2014

Why Do I Want to Make Out With Some Guys But Not Others? The Mystery of Chemistry!

Why are we drawn to some people and not to others? Why do we instantly feel comfortable with someone we’ve just met or never comfortable with someone we have known for decades? Why are we clamoring to get close to one person and perpetually backing up from another?

Chemistry sure is a curious thing. 

Let’s take a look at the chemistry with three guys I flirted with in the past week.

Yes, please.

Zach, the 22-year-old.
Yes, you read that right. He didn’t disappear after my drunk girls' night out a few weeks ago. He was very direct about wanting to see me again, meaning come to my apartment and fool around. Well, I have no other prospects on the horizon, so why not indulge in an emotion-free hook up? He walked into my apartment, and with hardly a hello the making out commenced. Shit, he was so sexy. How does a guy born in 1992 have those kind of moves?! (But I stuck to my annoying No Sex Until We're Dating rule.) Post-orgasms, we were so impressed with ourselves that we actually high-fived. He literally was in my apartment for 35 minutes. What little I saw of his [irrelevant in this situation] personality, he seemed fine, but damn for that physical chemistry.

Chris, who I met through Tinder [yes, I'm trying Tinder!]. I met him for a non-date on Friday. He was smart, polite, nicely dressed, and gainfully employed with a passion for music. Oh and he had an accent for God’s sake! Sounds pretty much perfect, right? We had a very nice time together, and I could feel his interest in me and I just… didn’t. I had no desire to kiss him. I started off flirty, and I could feel myself turning off my (attempt at) charm. He texted me when he got home saying he enjoyed meeting me. I said thank you again for the drinks. He responded saying he’d like to get together again if I were up for it. I didn’t answer, and my fingers are crossed that I don’t hear from him again. I don’t want to tell him I don’t feel the chemistry, because what a bummer!

The 26-year-old who is now 27, so I guess he should have a name: Sean. I ran into him after my non-date, and he’s been booty texting me. He’s still deleted from my phone, but he’s so tempting. There’s a playful sexuality that is exciting with him, even though he's not the best hookup I've had post-divorce.

This sums up Jason and me perfectly!

But the most fascinating person when it comes to chemistry is Jason. No, I’m not talking to him (much to the relief of my friends, particularly Nora and Ali), but when it comes to pure physical chemistry Jason is the winner. But why?! He’s OK looking, but nothing great. Hell, I don’t particularly like him. But OMG, the attraction between us is wild. It truly baffles me. I could see Aaron or Todd, both excellent hookups and both have better looks, personalities, and jobs, but I don’t think I’d have any desire for them anymore. Whereas with Jason, I don’t think I can be near him without wanting to at least kiss him, if not have Incredible Sex. I don’t need porn because I can just think about him!

So now if I could just find a guy who:

  • is as smart and put-together as Chris
  • with the sex appeal of Zach 
  • with the playfulness of Sean 
  • with the insane orgasm delivery of Jason
. . . I’ll have my perfect man! I'm trying out Tinder and I reactivated my OKCupid profile, though I'm still hoping to find my next guy through real life. I'll keep you posted on my search!

Have you had these chemistry mysteries? Any fun or disappointing experiments?
Our Three Peas


  1. Don @ HowYouCanFindLoveApril 29, 2014 at 7:47 PM

    Chemistry always has fascinated me. I've met women online that on screen seem amazing and I'm totally into but when I meet them in real life, there is zero chemistry. Then I would hang out with friends and be introduced to a women that I would never consider dating and we have instant chemistry. It totally boggles the mind.

  2. I had gone out with one or two guys that were rather good looking, educated and put-together but the chemistry wasn't highly crackling. For a while I was seeing a guy off-and-on who was neither great looking nor the best I've had in bed but he had a playful sense of humor, was intelligent and I found him comfortable to be around.
    When I first viewed the BF's online dating profile I thought he was an average looking guy and our short message exchanges were enjoyable enough online. Then the first time we met for drinks we spent 4+ hours talking, walking, drinking, and more talking. I didn't expect to enjoy him as much as I did; the chemistry was definitely there but it was subtle. The more time we spent together the more the chemistry strengthened and the more we got to know each other. Some people (myself included) take a while to break out of their shell and relax with others.

  3. I always think of personality is key... then why do I still want to ride Jason?! I don't particularly like his personality!
    Crazy stuff, right?

  4. It's particularly interesting with online dating because you truly don't know if there are sparks until you're face to face. That's why I hate messaging back and forth endlessly -- let's hang out!

  5. It's fun with the chemistry grows. That's what I'm expecting to happen -- it won't be crazy chemistry, but a spark will be there... and it'll grow because of a real connection.

  6. Hahaha glad my nonsense is entertaining you! One of these days, I hope I'll actually meet someone who's boyfriend-worthy! ;)

  7. I went through this whole thing of wanting certain aspects of different guys I knew to encompass the one true, perfect guy. Damn, it would be nice to have the perfect guy wouldn't it!

    I love the way you describe everything, so funny but with that tinge of truth. :P

  8. Thanks Melanie!

  9. Good luck with the search - not sure what your chances are of finding *everything* in the same package, but I guess you'll enjoy looking.

    I hope you don't mind my mentioning my own blog here - if you do, I guess this post just won't show up - but I wrote a post a while back about settling/holding out for The One that seems quite pertinent:

  10. Thank you for reading and sharing your entry. Related to your idea that we might not engage with a date because another might be a swipe away, see this guest post: