Sunday, August 25, 2013

We Come Together Cuz Opposites Attract

Jason isn't a cartoon,
just so you know.
Since 1990, Paula Abdul has been saying that opposites attract, but that’s never really been the case for me. Well, until now.

Jason, the tattooed 27-year-old who works at a restaurant and loves heavy metal, has reeled me in, the 33-year-old Corporate America employee with a Master's degree who has seen five Kelly Clarkson concerts. We have pretty literally nothing in common except for extreme honesty, and so far, that seems to be enough. He is unlike anyone I hang out with now or have dated in the past, but it’s fun and feels right, so I’m determined to not overthink things.

When we went out last week, he said that he wanted to take me into Manhattan. I insisted that it wasn’t necessary – in part it just seemed really early for that kind of a date, and frankly, I know he doesn’t make much money and I sure don’t have spare cash lying around as we get ready to pay closing costs, movers, and so on. But, he got bar and restaurant suggestions from the owner of the restaurant where he works, and Jason was just so excited to put together this night for me that I couldn’t say no. I am so glad I didn’t!

It was a beautiful summer night in Manhattan (not the usually disgusting humidity of August). The evening was full of surprises:
  1.  Jason’s apartment was nice. I went to his apartment to pick him up and I admit that I was kind of expecting him to have a messy, bland, boy apartment. Not only was his place pretty neat and clean, but it had character, from artwork on the walls to framed photos of his grandparents on his bookshelf.
  2. I was able to hold hands and not freak out. It’s interesting that, contrary to what I would’ve expected, I haven’t had much trouble with kissing and fooling around with guys since my marriage ended. However, hand holding, snuggling, and sleeping together have all made me freak out at some point. Max and I weren’t sexual for years, but we did still snuggle, so those gestures with other guys made me flash back to Max. As Jason and I strolled through Midtown Manhattan, Jason didn’t think anything of it to grab my hand or put his arm around me. Shockingly, I didn’t swat him away or wriggle out from his grip. In fact, I actually liked it. (Just last week, when David held my hand, I wanted to RUN AWAY. [Yesterday I told David that I enjoyed getting to know him, but thanks but no thanks blah blah.])
  3. I told Jason why I got divorced. I didn’t think I’d be willing to go there considering that I’ve only known Jason for two weeks. It’s not like I can just say, “the asshole cheated on me.” It’s a rather unusual story for a 33-year-old, not to mention baffling to the more typical man. But I also felt Jason needed to know so he could understand why I am sad that my days living with Max are numbered – and so Jason wouldn’t have to worry about anything getting revived with Max. When we were at an incredible outdoor bar on the East River, I spilled my guts. As he sipped a margarita Jason was very gracious about listening the story. When I was done, he told me that he was really sorry for what I’ve gone through and that he gets turned on just kissing me so I would never have to worry about history repeating itself! Well played, sir.
  4. He danced with me. We were sitting outside on the water, chatting about whatever. I was midsentence, and he just grabbed my hand and started slow dancing with me. I wish I could remember the song. (By the way, Max NEVER danced. I called him Brandon Walsh because of it. Yes, that's yet another Beverly Hills 90210 reference.)
  5. We went back to his place. After our romantic, picturesque evening in NYC, there was one more mandatory stop: his apartment. And, yup, we had sex. That makes the sex count twice in two months! You guys, that is like TONS of sex to me. (I think I had sex with Max twice the entire time I was married.) I wasn’t expecting sex, but hell if I could resist. Furthermore, I slept over, Jason held me all night, and I didn’t freak out! No waking up wishing I could sneak out without him knowing.
The view from dinner. God, I love New York City.
What a fun, affectionate, sexy evening I had, and with someone that I had tweeted #IShouldCancelThisDate before we met! In the wise words of Paula Abdul, "Things in common / Just ain't a one / But when we get together / We have nothin' but fun."

SIDE STORY: When was comfortably lying in Jason’s arms, I knew I had to cancel my drink plans with Tim (the guy who took me to dinner last week) for Saturday night. It wasn’t sitting right with me to have a romantic date night followed by some hot sex with Jason, and then go on a date with someone else 24 hours later. But how cool is this... I called up Tim and told him the truth – that I’d been talking to another guy and in the last day or so things had taken a turn so I didn’t feel it was right to go out with him and mislead him plus I didn’t want to be shady with the other guy. However, I thought he was a great guy and I happen to have a wonderful single girlfriend (Jen) and could I give him her number? He said yes. They did some texting tonight and they’re having a beer tomorrow!

Anyway, then I spent today packing with Max. As we divided up serving platter and cookbooks, I might’ve cried a few times. Not crazy tears, just “I can’t believe we have to do this shit” tears. It’s finally coming to an end.

After your divorce, did you date people who weren’t your “type”? How did that work out for you?

24 comments:

  1. I married a man who's my polar opposite on most things. It's interesting, frustrating at times (what relationship doesn't have those moments?), and completely real. I've never seen a love so strong, and that's what really matters. :)

    So glad you had a wonderful time with Jason!

    Your move sounded so bittersweet. It's wonderful you and Max still share a connection, even if it's not the one you'd once upon a time hoped to have.

    Thanks for linking up to Super Sunday Sync. :)

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  2. That is great! Dating someone the polar opposite of you is a good thing. Would you want to date yourself? That would be a bit boring? Not to say that you are (in any way) boring but it is good to have someone in your life to show you new things and introduce you to unfamiliar circumstances! He sounds pretty cool and that you were pleasantly surprise. Sometime no expectations is the best way to date - then, he pleasantly surprised you by acting like a total gentleman! Keep on dating! I need some dates. BTW - how are you meeting theses guys? If you have any extra on the west coast - I am here! Packing sounds like it was tough but think of it is an end to one book and now you are writing a new beginning to another!!

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  3. Ahhh!!! It's so awesome to hear about how well your date went with Jason :) He sounds like a good thing for you right now and WOW what a date! If there's anything I've realized it's that I get along well with guys who believe in mutual honesty and straight-forwardness. I love how you dealt with Tim; hopefully he and your friend hit it off.

    Dividing up your marital possessions, as I said on Twitter, is a weird and difficult task. Hopefully you're able to get through it without too many tears shed.

    I dated all kinds during/after my divorce. Older and younger but I tried to stay within 2-3 years of my age (with the exception of the graduate student who was 7 years younger): the single dad, the graduate student, the welder/part-time bouncer, the pastor (haha), the law student turned banker, the attorney, the professional entertainer/comedian (he was a LOT of fun), and finally my actual boyfriend who has so many different facets it's hard to give him a 'type': philosopher, atheist, gun enthusiast, sushi hound, pro-marijuana, electronica-loving sweetheart and more.

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  4. That is cool that you actually married someone opposite of you. Max and I were opposites in some ways... but not really in a good way. On paper, Max and I were a great match, and look how that turned out!
    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  5. It is true, dating me would be boring -- I like getting a fresh perspective on life. I met these guys on OKCupid, a free online dating site. You definitely get some gross weirdos, but everyone I went out with was nice and normal -- in that sense, you have to be a bit patient. I've deactivated my profile... we'll see if/when I reactivate.
    It's so sad that the chapter with Max is officially ending... but I'm definitely very, very happy too.

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  6. That came out badly - anyone dating themselves would be boring. If I dated myself - it would be boring. HA! maybe too early for me to comment. Anyway - sad that chapter with Max is over but sounds like you are grabbing the bull by the horns and doing all the right things to move on!!!! Wish you all the luck and maybe I'll check that site out. I did once before with no luck...

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  7. Stephanie @ Life, UnexpectedlyAugust 26, 2013 at 3:44 PM

    Well, I never got divorced, but had quite some relationships. And yes, I've dated many different types of guys; my best relationship, except the hubby, of course, was a guy I never wanted to date, because he was not my type at all (physically). My friend convinced me to meet up with him anyways, so we could save the cab money home (he had a car) and money for drinks (we were students, he earned his money. And there, I fell for him, hard, and my friend was pissed off like you wouldn't believe. I still talk to the guy 12 years later, not to the friend any more. Definitely go for Jason, if it feels right for you, no matter how it may look for outsiders.

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  8. Yes, I did date some unusual characters after my divorce and most were nothing like my ex. If they were, it didn't last long. I'm remarried to a wonderful man who was not what I would have expected at all, but is absolutely perfect for me. I am happy.

    I've told my story before on my blog, so you are welcome to read it. We met online. Our own little catfish story. :) Best of luck to you!

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  9. I think I like this Jason character! But it would be cooler if he really was a cartoon.

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  10. hahaha I think I like him too. ;)

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  11. I would love to read your story! What's your blog URL?

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  12. Funny how you can just totally unexpectedly be really attracted to someone. Cool though!

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  13. oh god! this sounds so exciting! I'm currently going out with a guy who I met on online dating. He's nice and cute and I thought it would be fun to go out with him for a while and then on Saturday I met this 24 year old boy (24!!!! I'm 32 by the way) and since then I've seen him twice. There are no sparks between us, there are thunder storms! I'm freaking out about his age a little, but boy oh boy do I enjoy it!

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  14. Wow, sounds like we're in very similar situations! Let's just roll with it and have fun. :) Going to follow your blog for your updates!

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  15. i hate to say i told you so... but i think i did!!! you can have your lists of what you're looking for & what you're not... but love is a funny thing & you just never know when it will pop up. good luck & have fun :-)

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  16. Whoah there with the L word! ;)
    But yup, he doesn't meet my list of requirements, but oh well. It might be different if I were seriously looking for a relationship, but I'm not. Open mind and open heart -- those are my goals!

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  17. Now THAT is a mix of potential suitors! Good for you. I think that should be a dating-post-divorce requirement -- push yourself to just say "the hell with it" and go out with just about anyone. Jason couldn't be more opposite from my ex. If Jason had come up to me in a bar -- which I doubt he ever would've -- I probably wouldn't have given him a chance. I'm glad we met the way we did because we're both able to try something different.

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  18. The pool must be changing all the time, so maybe you'll have better luck now! ;)

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  19. If it were not for online dating sites like OKC and POF I would have NEVER otherwise gone out with most of the guys with which I went on dates. I got to a point where I said "what the hell; why not go out with this guy? You never know.." which made it a lot of fun. I did, for a while, do the whole "date multiple guys at once" thing until mid-June when I suddenly felt a weird sense of guilt also seeing other guys while seeing Tony.

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  20. Yeah that is a definitely plus to online dating -- you get to meet people you never would have otherwise.

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  21. www.asavagetwist.com


    The one you want to look for is titled "Our Catfish Story". Definitely unique. Apparently I can't do anything the "normal" way, but it works for me. lol

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  22. Following you on Bloglovin.com!

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  23. The guy I had a fling with was kind of not my type. Sounds a bit like Jason, actually. Had scruff, long hair, played guitar and made beer and listened to heavy metal. A rocker on the outside, but the sweetest soul on the inside. That's who I connected with. It'll never hurt to give a guy a chance even if you think they're so far removed from you that it could never work. You just never know until you try!

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  24. Yup, that's why I keep hanging out with him. There are plenty of reasons we don't make sense and, frankly, probably don't have long term potential, but who cares. It's fun and sexy now, and that's reason enough for me!

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