Monday, April 7, 2014

When Unicorns Are Real -- Sometimes Nice Guys Actually Come Back

Kat loves dating when weird shit happens!
Sometimes unicorns roam the earth, pigs fly, and I can watch the final scene of Gone With The Wind without crying.

Relatedly, sometimes a really nice guy you had hoped to date but prematurely dumped you realizes that he made a mistake and tries for another chance...


John, Part I

John was the smart, sweet guy I dated briefly in January. We were off to a great start, and then he abruptly changed his mind. The reasons he gave me at the time were that I’m allergic to dogs and that he might be “too square” for me. He left me confused and disappointed. I thought I saw boyfriend potential with him. Oh well, I told myself, no need to dwell on this.

John, Part II

A few weeks later, just as things were starting to pick up with Aaron, John contacted me. I couldn’t believe it. He said that he felt that he owed me an apology. He explained that in his previous relationship, there were signs that things wouldn’t work, but in hindsight he realized that he ignored the signs. He didn’t want to do that in his next relationship, which was why he backed off so fast. And, here’s the killer… one of the reasons he ran off in the first place was because he misunderstood something I had said, and he thought I don’t want children! Um, SO not true, and I sadly informed him of that. (But I get it, not being on the same page about wanting kids would be a dealbreaker.)

I thought it over and felt I wouldn’t be able to get past his willingness to quit the moment John had doubts. Plus I was just starting to date Aaron. So, I told John thank you, but I admired his guts for contacting me, but no. We concluded the conversation maturely and nicely.

A few weeks ago, I deleted John’s number from my phone. Nice guy, but I thought our moment had passed.

John, Part III

Yesterday morning, exactly two months after our last communication, I got a text from an unknown number:
"Hey! How did the NYC Half go?"

I knew it had to be John (and I was impressed that he remembered!). So we texted about our recent races, and then we said maybe we could meet up sometime at one of the local running store’s community runs. The conversation concluded when I went off to yoga.

Well, I thought, that was nice of him to remember me. Maybe we'll actually see each other at one of those runs, but probably not.

A few hours later, my phone chirped again. John wanted to see if, in addition to connecting at a run, would I want to have a drink and catch up sometime?

I paused. Was this a good idea? I mean, this guy did dump me. But then again, this was his second time contacting me. Apparently this guy really regrets letting me go too soon. What a compliment! So, why not say yes to an offer for a drink that might not even happen?

I replied, “Sure, sounds good.”

He wrote back immediately asking when I was free. Wait, so this was actually going to happen?!

Five hours later, we were face to face for the first time in almost three months.

Over the next three hours and a bottle of pinot noir at a charming wine bar, we chatted and laughed as if not a day had passed. It felt really good to be with him.

Now I admit that I didn’t feel the electricity that I felt with Jason or Aaron. (Maybe it's because John doesn't have tattoos!) I don’t know how to explain it, but John feels so genuine, like I won’t need to question anything he says to me, good or bad. In the dating world, this is not a common feeling.

Out on the street, along came a unicorn in the form of John's voice: “I have thought about everything you said in February. If you’re open to it, I’d really like another chance. Clean slate. Or you can put me on probation or something! But this was fun and I’d like to see you again.”

When does this ever happen? A nice guy admits he made a mistake and asks not once but TWICE for another chance?

I’m not one to let a unicorn get away.

“A clean slate sounds great,” I said, smiling. “No need for probation! We can just see what happens.”

And then he kissed me. A real kiss, and not the kind that people in their 30s do on a street corner.

“Wow, I really missed that,” he said, grinning.

I walked home with a big stupid smile on my face.

Unfortunately I’m really busy the next two weeks so I won’t get to hang out with John for awhile, but he already texted me today, saying not to worry about my crazy schedule because he’ll be here when I get back and we'll set up a nice date. Awww.

Have you ever had a good catch see the error of his or her ways and come back to you? 
Epic Mommy Adventures


  1. AHHHHH So Jealous! Mostly of the kissing and wine bar parts. As you well know thanks to our tweets I'm ready for a damn date! Love that you found a (seemingly) genuine guy, wishing you find those rainbows because you totes deserve it. (OMG I just typed totes...oh well. Hope ya don't hate me now.) Anyone, congrats. :)

  2. Hahahah you're fresh! ;)
    One day at a time, we'll see what happens with him.

  3. Kissing and wine bars are fantastic parts of dating! I hope you get to experience it soon.
    I'm proceeding with cautious optimism.

  4. Omg I am so rooting for you and John.... So adorable.... Keeping my fingers crossed.

  5. We shall see. Of course I will keep you updated!

  6. One step at a time. Met my hubby 25 years ago and was so not looking for a relationship. 25 years later, 22 years of marriage and two daughters, we are going strong. That is I have yet to did the hole in the backyard to bury him in.. ;)

  7. Yup, I'm in no rush. I feel ready for a real relationship again, but I'm certainly not going to force anything that isn't meant to be.

  8. I like your attitude!!!!

  9. Don @ HowYouCanFindLoveApril 9, 2014 at 5:08 PM

    I've never had this happen to me. Whenever I reached out, I was always shot down. I hope everything works out for you. I do know what it is like though like someone and have them end things abruptly. The woman at the time did the same thing as John. She misunderstood what I had said and ended things. I didn't find out until afterwards too. Just goes to show why communication is so important in a relationship. If something someone said unnerves you, talk about it. Maybe you heard it right, maybe not. But I'd rather know instead of jump to a conclusion and pull the plug.

  10. The BF and I were cool with each other when we started casually dating - we'd go for walks and end up at a bar downtown for a beer or something. You know, nothing serious at all. But I was a little flummoxed when he continued to pursue me. The relationship just sort of... happened.

  11. I know, it was such a shame that be bailed without initially telling me the full story why! Regardless of what might happen with us now, I think he learned a big lesson.

  12. What nice way for a relationship to come about. That is what I'm hoping for. Nothing forced, just a natural progression.