Sunday, July 13, 2014

My Great Debate: Should I Have Casual Sex?

This face will totally help me get laid.
Wow, for the first time, since I started my blog, I didn’t write last week. I was too weirded out by the possibility of Carl or his informants reading it.

The bad news is that Carl proved himself to be no different from any of the other 27-year-olds I’ve gone out with. The good news is I can go back to writing whatever I want!

And this time I mean it for really real: 

I want to tell you all about my time with Carl and the extremely abrupt ending, but I promised him I wouldn’t write about him. Unfortunately for you, dear reader, I keep my promises.

Instead, I’ll tell you about Steve, the 44-year-old in my building. (I was going to put him in the Friend Zone this weekend if things progressed with Carl. Good thing I didn’t do that yet! Single girls need options.)

To Screw or Not Screw, That Is The Question

So, while Carl and I were talking/dating/whatever you call it, I was still talking to Steve. In fact, over July 4th holiday weekend, I spent a lot of time with him… including sleeping at his place and him cooking me breakfast. (My FAVORITE meal! And no one cooks me breakfast!) 

Our very open rapport continued, included me telling him that Jason, the Incredible Sex, sent me a shirtless selfie at 10 a.m. while I was lying in Steve’s bed. Ummm, isn’t that the kind of thing you shouldn’t be telling a guy whose bed you're lying in? Anyway, given the openness, it didn't take long for the conversation to turn to sex. 

Not surprisingly, Steve wanted to have sex with me. (Well, actually, I do still find it a little surprising when men want to have sex, and more specifically, with me. We can thank my ex-husband for that baggage.) You guys, I really, really, REALLY wanted to have sex with him. But dammit I'd told myself not to! 

Enter the Angel / Devil on each shoulder,
each shouting very convincing points in my ears:

Screw: Hells yeah. Ride him.
He’s cute and he’s already skilled at other things in the sack.

Don't Screw: Carl has been texting while I’m with Steve. I like Carl too. I’m being shady.

Screw: Carl and I are in the "talking" phase. We've only kissed.
I can do whatever I want (at least for a little while longer!)

Don't Screw: I promised myself that I’d wait for a relationship to have sex.
(Why oh why did I make that dumb promise?!)
I don’t think Steve will end up being my boyfriend, so not sex-worthy.

Screw: Well, if he’s not going to be my boyfriend anyway, having too-soon-sex isn’t possible and therefore can’t wreck anything, so might as well get it while the getting is good!

Don't Screw: Crap, did I shave my legs today?

Screw: Steve and I connect on some pretty deep topics of conversation, so that makes the sex less cheap.

Don't Screw: If he’s so willing to have sex with me, does he have casual sex a lot? Does he have every STD I ever read about in
 Seventeen magazine and then Cosmo?

Screw: Who the hell am I to judge, I had some casual sex in my early 20s. I miraculously dodged the STD bullets. Maybe he’s clean!

Don't Screw: I haven’t had sex since February with Aaron. Stick to your principles!
(But… I’m lying. I guess I have to count the Incredible Sex I had with Jason in late May and early June. I know, I know, I know! I’m supposed to be staying away from him! And I hadn't had sex with him since January!
But… I don’t know, I was bored and I had no prospects when he started contacting me again. In a two-week moment of weakness I had some sex with him but then stopped.
This confession is how I’ll know which of my real-life friends read this – they are texting me right now saying, “Kat. Jason?! WTF. Cut it out!!”)

In the end, I stuck to my promise to not have sex with Steve. BORING and not that satisfying. Ugggh, I hate having principles!

When was the last time you turned down some ready and willing sex?

See also: 8 Reasons Why Divorced Sex is So Much Better Than Married Sex.


  1. Then anything else is just a distraction...

  2. Mike, can you please stop making so much sense?!

  3. Hahaha I like how you think! ;) If I thought that Steve could end up in a relationship with me, I wouldn't have sex with him. But, ironically, I'm more tempted because I'm fairly certain we will NOT end up in a relationship.

  4. I don't have a comment specific to this particular post, but I thought you would want to know that I just binge read your entire blog. As a fellow blogger I know that to be as flattering as it is creepy :) It took courage to put your journey out there. Sometimes I wish I would have done the same with my single after a divorce years.

  5. Stacy, that is pretty much the best compliment EVER. Thank you so much! I'm glad you found me. :)

  6. Similar to Stephanie's comment, I think it depends on what you are looking for - something serious or casual. If you decide to have a casual relationship you have to be o.k with it. Some men just want that friend with benefits. When I was dating I always put the guys in 2 categories - date-able or do-able, if date-able I would go out to movies or dinner etc and if do-able well he was around for "fun". I felt like I needed to have some control otherwise I would constantly have a broken heart. Definitely use protection!!
    P.S I thought my husband was just going to be for "fun" but now he's my husband so you never know what can come of it...

  7. I agree, I also think it depends on what the guys want too though. Does Steve want to just hook and have some fun or is he looking to be in a relationship? It wouldn't be fair to him to use him for casual sex when he wants something more with you.
    Also, being that you live in the same building, if things don't go well, will that become awkward?

  8. It's true, someone who doesn't seem like a prospect could certainly surprise me! And yes, I'm big on using protection. More than once, I've been SHOCKED that the guy didn't have condoms. Seriously!? I have a condom in every purse I own for me or anyone else who needs one!

  9. Honestly I'm not sure what he wants. Right now, we just text sometimes, hang out sometimes... it's unusually casual. I figure it'll sort itself out in the coming days.
    I know, i'm totally rolling the dice hooking up with a guy in my building. I just hope the fact that we are super honest and open with each other will keep things from being weird whenever things run their course.
    Thanks for reading!