Monday, June 23, 2014

Does Age Matter in Dating? Let's Find Out!

In the beginning of June, I made a dating declaration: No more going out with 27-year-olds. 

I keep attracting these guys and guess what? Nothing. Keeps. Happening.

“I only want guys who are 35 or older!” I declared to no one. "Guys born in the 1980s are not allowed!"

Well, as anyone single knows, when it rains prospective suitors, it must pour. After a relative drought last month (other than a cute 27-year-old who ended up blowing me off), this month has been hot with male attention from a wide range of ages.

I Meet a 44-Year-Old

I’ve never gone out with someone more than a year or two older than me, but I think it would make a lot of sense for divorced me to go out with an older man.

Lo and behold, that very weekend, I met Steve, who's 10 years older than me, at a gathering for the residents of my apartment building.

(By the way – 

We were outside on the patio chatting and drinking, and gradually the group shrunk down to four of us. The conversation was lively, smart, and fun… and I sensed a spark with Steve (and I was pretty sure it wasn’t just the sauvignon blanc). Eventually it was 1 a.m., and it was time to call it a night. I rode the elevator up to my apartment, walked through the door, and then paused.

There was something there with Steve, and I was 87% certain the wine wasn't misguiding me. And then I thought of my goal to meet my next guy in real life. Bold, I thought, be bold! I grabbed a piece of paper.

“You forgot to get my number. XXX-XXX-XXXX  -Kat.”

And I dashed back down the hall to the elevator before I lost my nerve.

I knocked on his apartment door, questioning if I was about to make a total fool of myself. He opened the door, looked surprised, and then smiled at me.

“So I’m not sure if I’m way off here, but I kind of feel like you wanted to get my number, but you didn’t. Was I wrong?” I asked, faking confidence.

He grinned at me. “Well, come on in.”

At 5 a.m., he kissed me.
At 5:30 a.m., we fell asleep next to each other on the couch.
At 7 a.m., I left my note on the coffee table and headed back upstairs.

He called me – like an actual phone call starring his voice, you guys – the next day.

Off to a decent start, right?

...Then I Meet a 27-Year-Old

...And yet he got my number anyway.
A few days after I met Steve, what do you think happened? I met another guy, Carl. And take a wild guess how old he was? Yup, 27. I wasn’t going to give him my number but… there was something about him. A really positive energy. So, what the hell, I’ll break my new rule.

That Saturday, while I was driving home after my visit with Max’s parents, Carl and I arranged an impromptu date for that very evening. I didn’t even get to go home and primp! (I miiiiight have changed my clothes and put on liquid eyeliner at a rest stop though.) A glass of wine turned into a sharing a pizza that turned into getting a cocktail that turned into dancing that turned into a fantastic kiss. Um, what the hell? How did that just happen?!

Last week, Carl asked me to get a drink after work. I did something crazy. I skipped my Tuesday night spinning class and agreed to have a quick drink. Our drink lasted for almost four hours. We talked about real stuff, dumb stuff, and flirty stuff. He kissed me softly… and once he felt it would be acceptable, he kissed me boldly.

Shit, you guys, I’m forming a crush on a guy born in the 1980s.

The Side-by-Side Comparison

Obviously, Steve texted me while I was enjoying my cocktail with Carl. Steve had been sort of trying to make plans with me, but not in a direct “Can I take you to dinner on Friday” way – more like “Let me know when you want to get together” way. Eh, not very hot. So anyway, Steve asked me to stop by when I got home. I felt a little sketchy to go from a lovely evening with Carl to seeing Steve, but this was a unique opportunity for a side-by-side comparison!

It was my first time seeing Steve since our marathon first meeting. We just chilled on his couch, talking, for less than hour. When I left, he gave me a little kiss goodbye and still left things loosey-goosey about plans.

So what was the verdict of my side-by-side? 

Both are good kissers. (As you know, I looooove kissing.) Neither seem like they would be wimps in the bedroom.

Steve is definitely cute and he seems interested in me… kind of. I’m looking for a boyfriend, and I’m not quite sure what he wants. And our calendars never seem to align.

Carl is pretty openly showing me that he wants to know more about me (remarkably, it's not scaring me off yet). He is a relationship kind of person. 

What matters at the moment is that both seem to be good guys [please, Steve and Carl, don’t prove me wrong] and I feel like I’m being true to myself when I’m with each of them. So, I’m going to continue talking to both of them until it’s time to stop, whether it’s because I get bored or dumped or… I actually develop feelings for someone.

And can I just say that I think it’s kind of awesome that there is a 17-year age gap between my two flavors of the week?! The joys of being 34 and single!

How does age factor into your dating decisions?
Epic Mommy Adventures


  1. I wasn't going to... and then I decided to do one more offer a bit outside of my price range. Miraculously, they accepted! YAY! I will become a homeowner without moving!! ;)
    Steve is cool, but I feel like he isn't quite into me enough. In the beginning, I want to be asked out on proper dates and all that. That's what makes me question if he's actually looking for a relationship. We were texting last night while I was writing this entry. ;)

    Time will tell!

  2. I had this whole response typed and then Disqus failed. Boo.
    But yes I have an age range. Due to younger brothers anyone younger than 28 is
    just creeper feeling and then from the other side I tend to mentally max out at
    39. Sadly, the only attention I seem to get is from the 60+ and 22 and younger
    crowds. So hello rut.

  3. My brother is 32, so that makes Carl (gulp!) 5 years younger!
    My sister is 36, so that makes Sean 8 years older.
    Holy crap. Damn math.
    Interesting how we can attract a certain age or type. It really makes me think about what vibe I'm putting out there...

  4. I've gone out with a 23 year old (too young I realized) and have had friendly drinks with a 39/40 year old. The boyfriend will turn 29 in a few weeks and the 2 year age gap is just fine. I don't mind being older; in fact, I love being the older one in the relationship. My ex-husband was 4.5 years older than me and made more money than me. There was a big enough age gap that I could feel a disconnect at times. I think the age gap preference varies from person to person. It's easy with the boyfriend because we were in college at the same age and have both been married/divorced with no kids.

  5. The age gaps I'm working with now both seem pretty big, but I guess there's only one way to find out...

  6. I think it's really healthy to just go out with a bunch of people of different ages. Dating now is very different from when I was 24 (I met Max when I was 25). The only way to figure out what we want is meeting a lot of people!

  7. Well, I'm older than you. I'm 50 and not in the dating mood yet. At my age, the difference between someone say, 10 years younger than me and 10 years older - is astonishing! Physically, all that time either taking care of yourself or not - really shows! But what bothers me the most is how stagnant some guys my age are. I've lived my life never being satisfied (in a good way); I'm always learning, doing, challenging myself. Where are the guys who aren't satisfied with their boring daily routines? Oh boy! I'm glad I'm not dating yet. But sometimes I wonder if I ever will date. It seems so freakin' complicated!

  8. Hey Kat! I am 43 years old and my advice is a man should definitely know what he wants by age 40. Seems like Steve isn't ready to date at this point. Let alone have a relationship.

  9. When you're ready, you'll just have to go on a lot of dates to find your not stagnant man. He's out there! :)

  10. I agree, Mike. Though, maybe Steve knows exactly what he wants and I'm just not it!
    Regardless, I have a date with Carl tonight and I'm really looking forward to it. :)

  11. I did go out with a 20 yr old and he was nice, i liked talking with him but he was too young for me (i was 25 at the time). For now I'm just going to college and not actively looking for anyone.

    If i were to get into a relationship i would prefer older guys but not older then 33 since I'm only 26.

  12. Gluten Free A-Z BlogJune 29, 2014 at 1:49 PM

    Love reading your posts! I have no suggestions except I tend to agree with mike s-

  13. Age definitely is a factor. I don't want an older man unless he's young at heart. 50 is too old for me unless he's a young 50. I try to stick w/ 5 yrs younger max and 5 years older max.

  14. Oy, the difference between a 20 year old and a 25-year-old is big. That's fine if you just wanted a hookup, not so much for real dating.

  15. Thanks for reading!!

  16. How old are you?

  17. If you figure out the vibe could you please come examine mine? I've YET to figure out what it is about me that so excites men 60 years in age+ and I'd really like to know. So I can avoid it!

  18. Fascinating! Meanwhile it's hard for me to get attention from guys in their 30s! Ha!

  19. Me neither! Well, unless they live at home.

  20. When I was first divorced I dated a guy almost 7 years younger than me, now my boyfriend is 10 years older than me (so also a 17 year span, our similarities continue!). He looks young, though, and is active, and clearly I'm wildly fond of him since he's actually now my boyfriend! My ex was my age, so it's different, but only slightly amusing when we talk about how old I was when he was in high school, ha!

  21. So funny! I hope I end up with someone older, or at the very least, my age! With Carl, 9/11 happened when he was a freshman in high school. I was a senior in college!