Sunday, July 7, 2013

Cocktails, Knives, and A Sex Toy Party: 11 Reasons Why I Can't Wait to Live Alone

As we enter the fifth month of our condo being on the market, more and more I find myself starting statements with “once I move I will…” and “when I live alone I will…” I know that I’m very lucky that Max and I don’t fight and we have two bedrooms, but man, I am just dying to get the last part of the separation process done. I know it will be terribly emotional to separate our belongings and then say our final good byes. But you know what? It’s so overdue. We both need to move on in a very literal sense.

In the meantime, here are some reasons why it will be awesome to live alone again after living with Max for six years:
    I will be such a charming hostess when I live alone!
  1. Have guests over for drinks. Max didn’t like to have guests over, other than maybe, if I begged, one couple for one drink before going to dinner. I have all these fun cocktail glasses and wine glasses and they’ve barely been used. I want to fill my wine rack and make use of those glasses! 
  2. Have guests over for appetizers and dinner. With each year I slowly get better at cooking for myself, but I need to work on my confidence by cooking for others. I have nice plates and china in mint condition (both wedding shower gifts, of course), so it’s high time I have friends and family over to make me hone my hostess skills.
  3. Have guests over for a sex toy party. I am in love with my vibrator and I want more toys! So, what sounds more fun than my girlfriends, some wine and appetizers, and chatting about how to rev up our sex lives (whether we're flying solo or in a couple)?
  4. Get some decent knives. Max’s mother is a wonderful person and I think very highly of her. The one not wonderful thing about her is her obsession with QVC. (Seriously, like every gift she has ever given me is from QVC, each more random than the previous one. Do I seem like I'd want an nine-inch Celtic crystal cross? I'm not even Christian anymore! I digress.)
    She gave us a block of QVC knives that we didn’t ask for just 10 months before our wedding. I would’ve registered for nice ones, but then I couldn’t because we had this wonderful QVC set. Well guess what? The knives suck so Max can take every stinking QVC knife and I will invest in a few quality ones that will assist me in achieving #2.
  5. Get a hamster. I’m insanely afraid of reptiles, I don’t see the point of fish, and I'm allergic to pretty much everything that’s cute. The one exception? Hamsters! So, I will get a hamster, and I am either going to name it Bruce if it’s a boy or Library if it’s a girl. (There are only two things I’ll miss about the town I currently live in: Bruce Square and G-town Public Library.)
    To be clear, I’ll only get one hamster. A woman with one hamster could be considered cute and quirky; a woman with multiple hamsters might be just weird.
  6. Self tan.  I know, you’re probably wondering what this is doing on the list. I haven’t self-tanned since I last lived alone, back in 2005. I exfoliate then apply self-tanner while wearing very little and smelling funny as the stuff soaks in. It’s not a sexy look – in fact, it’s a weird and smelly look – so I never did it in front of Max. When I live alone again, WHO CARES?
  7. Watch more movies. Max and I have one TV, so we have to compromise a lot. The big one for me is that I love to watch and rewatch my DVDs. Max isn’t so much into rewatching much of anything other than the Jason Bourne trilogy, so you can imagine his enthusiasm for Dirty Dancing or a Disney movie for the 87th time. When I live alone, I will go back to watching 1-3 movies a week, I guarantee it.
  8. Play more music. Max always wants the TV on. I like to play my CDs (retro, right?). My stereo has hardly been used in the six years we have lived together. That will change, particularly when I’m cleaning. Cher’s Greatest Hits, anyone? 
  9. Invite my booty call over. Going to the 26-Year-Old’s house – that he shares with two roommates – is not ideal for me. He can get his ass over to my place and then be the one to schlep home all flushed at some ungodly hour. 
  10. Date. I’m trying to picture myself dating, but it’s hard to even conjure up the image when I live with Max.
  11. Have sex in my home. In the three years I’ve been in our condo, we had sex maybe five times, tops. Since we bought our king size bed six years ago, we’ve probably had sex on it maybe 20 times. Well that is all going to change, thanks to #10. I have no idea when or who it will be with, but it will! I refuse to have a celibate bed in my new apartment.
So those are some random reasons I’m excited to have my own place again! What was it like for you to move out? What were you super excited to do on your own in your own space?
Super Sunday Sync


  1. Lol, my MIL loves QVC TOO and all our gifts come from there...I say get all the hamsters you want but go to the salon for a spray tan. I can't ever do my own without getting my hands eight shades of orange. Stopping by from SSS

  2. This is a great list! Good for you girl! It sounds like you're moving into a better place in life. I'm so glad you're chronicling this year. I love reading your stuff!

  3. Thanks Elizabeth! Slowly but surely, things are getting on track.

  4. The one reason I'll be glad to not spend holidays with Max's family anymore is not having to pretend that I like that QVC crap! Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Must be a MIL thing - mine loves QVC too. For Christmas this year I got a 'house jacket' - WTH? It's hideous oh and I am 37 not 77!

  6. It is very mysterious. The only QVC item I've liked has been our tupperware set. There are a million sizes and I use them all the time. Oh and the silicon cookie sheets, which are the secret to my awesome cookies. :)
    P.S. Your house jacket sounds HOT!

  7. I love living alone so much I am worried that I will not be able to get married again unless we have two separate homes! I feel for you, when i got divorced i moved out immediately. I didn't want our marital home and he didn't want to sell it. It must be so hard still living with the ex. you are making the best of it. I can't wait until you get your own spot. Please register somewhere so we can all get you something!

  8. Believe me, if I could afford to move, I would've! Unfortunately neither of us wants to buy out the other, and neither can afford half the mortgage payment plus rent. BOO! But I keep imagining my apartment... it's coming!!! I'll share photos when I'm moved in!

  9. What a list! I will have to come back here more to check the posts on dating :) I had my first date in 10 years a couple of weeks ago. Let's just say it was H-O-T! Break ups can be fun sometimes.

  10. Good for you! I've dabbled a tiny bit in dating, but not really. Need my own apartment first!

  11. Too funny!
    My soon to be ex stayed with me for 6 months while we were working on getting divorced! Very awkward. The only good thing was being able to see my son everyday.
    You can hone your cooking skills by giving everyone a glass of wine b/f the main course on an empty stomach. Garlic, olive oil, salt and cheese enhance any dish BTW!
    My #1, buying $1400 entertainment system after the Ex left! Finally after 4 years, I can spend my hard earned dough w/o having to ask, "Mother, May I?"

  12. Yup, it's been HOW LONG NOW that I'm still living with me ex, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
    Good call about boozing up my guests a little so they are less picky about what I feed them!

  13. That is too funny about the hamster! They are the cutest little animals!