Sunday, November 16, 2014

Why Did I Dump A Smart, Cute Guy Who Thought I Was Super?

"Wanna go out, Kat? I'll drive!"
After weeks of texting  and FaceTime chats with Lucas, we finally saw each other again.

Last Sunday and then again on Friday, Lucas came over. (I’m still in a leg brace while my broken kneecap heals, so I can’t really go anywhere.) We ate takeout, we watched 80s movies. He held my hand, he kissed me good night. He said he wanted to see me again – and soon. 

After he left on Friday I just knew. I was sure of it! So, today, I told him:

“I have really enjoyed getting to know you the past few weeks, but I don’t feel that we are quite the right match for dating.”

Bummer, right?!

Why didn’t I feel that Lucas and I were the right match? He seemed to meet the Requirements for Dating Me. He is tall with a great smile, has earned not one but TWO master’s degrees, and thought I was super.

Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a grownup.  After months of dating guys who were too young for me, I want to date a grownup. I mean it.

Once my relationship with Lucas moved from texting and FaceTime to real life, I discovered that he was a 23-year-old trapped in a 33-year-old’s body:
  1. Lucas sleeps like a 23-year-old. He prides himself on sleeping until 11 or 12 on the weekends, then takes a nap around 2. By noon on a weekend, I will have gone running and/or attended a yoga class, cooked and ate breakfast while watching a rerun of Beverly Hills 90210, and folded a load of laundry.
  2. Lucas drinks like a 23-year-old. Lucas described a night out with a friend as awesome because he got “shitfaced.” His social activities seem to revolve around his quest for getting wasted, including Thursday nights.
    If you’ve ever read my blog, you know that I enjoy kissing, exercising, and drinking. I very much enjoy alcohol, but really it’s that I like spending time and talking with others; a glass of wine in hand complements the experience nicely. Sure, sometimes I do get drunk. But I have not gone out specifically seeking “shitfaced” status in about a decade. BECAUSE I’M A GROWNUP.
  3. Lucas dates like an (inconsiderate) 23-year-old. The two times he came over, he was wearing a random t-shirt and jeans. Yes, I was in drawstring pants (thank you, leg brace), but I had on a cute top and makeup! Effort, you guys, I expect a man to put in a little effort if he is going to date me.
    But here’s the kicker. Before he came over on Friday, he asked me if I liked plum wine. I said I wasn’t sure, but I don’t usually like sweet wine. He said I wouldn’t know unless I tried it. Fair enough (but a touch condescending, no?). So what did he do that night? He showed up with ONE bottle of wine – the plum wine – which lo and behold, I hated. His solution was to suggest I open one of my bottles of wine. I had one glass as he proceeded to drink almost the entire bottle of his gross plum wine.
    Oh, and I should also mention that I paid for our takeout and he never said thank you. Rude and tacky.
Last but not least, I did not like the way he kissed.  Oh HELLS no.
I love to kiss way too much to settle for a guy whose kissing style
is inspired by Hannbal Lecter.
Funny how a guy could have seemed like he had such potential over text and FaceTime until real life revealed how incompatible we actually are.

(And no, he did not reply to my "thanks but no thanks" text.)

In the meantime, let’s hope this damn leg brace comes off when I go to the doctor tomorrow! I am so over sweatpants, unshaven legs, and sleeping motionless flat on my back.

Have you ever thought someone could be a good match for dating in the virtual world until the real world wrecked it?


  1. That is disappointing, but you really don't know until you meet face to face. I have a non-date tomorrow with someone I have been talking to for awhile and although I am hopeful I am also preoparing myself for the fact that it might suck!

  2. Yup, you really don't, that is why with online dating I like to meet as soon as possible. Hoping for the best is always the key to keeping dating fun! Good luck and have fun on your non-date!

  3. It's been a long while, but I met a few guys online back in the day. They all made much better friends than boyfriends. And kissing is such a big indicator! Good for you for being authentic to yourself.

  4. With everything you listed and not being a good kisser? Definitely not a match. I enjoy drinking and casual dress while sitting around watching a movie, but if they show up slovenly at the start it's only going to get worse. Your wine incident reminds me of the time an ex decided I wasn't eating my half of the pizza I paid for fast enough and ate it! I got two pieces of the pizza I paid for!

  5. Lol, this is funny and I can relate. I like plum wine, but it's usually a dessert wine (unless you're in Korea or Japan). He does sound young and if you're not at the same place...

  6. Go Kat! Go Kat!
    Great about getting the brace off!
    Yes, best to find out early on you are not compatible than waste time!
    Plum wine is incredibly sweet - I usually tone it done with a couple ice cubes. But not bringing an alternative and not thanking you for takeout - very bad form. And bad kissing on top of it! Eeekk!!!! Run!!!!!

  7. Good lawd girl, that last reason is reason enough. He wouldn't have made it to a second kiss with me...good riddance.

    Good luck with the knee!! Take recovery slow and start doing your muscle exercises asap. That muscle atrophies pretty damn fast.

  8. He seems really immature.
    I know you have different experience with younger men, but my experience taught me that they are more mature and more considerate that the older guys.
    I am dating a 23 year old now ;)

  9. This happened often. Some guys were fine online but once we met up for a drink "it" just wasn't there. I admit that sometimes I was a little bit slow on the uptake and didn't call it off soon enough but I got better about it as time went on though.
    The boyfriend lives and dates like the 29 year old that he is and he's a terrific kisser. Glad I gave him a chance.

  10. I stopped dating way before the era of the virtual world dating... and I have to say, the more I read and hear about it, I'm happy I'm not there now! However, I do know lots of people who have found their perfect matches over the internet, and I surely hope you do too :) Good for you to be clear on what you want and not settle for any less! Stopped by from the Jenny Evolution link up.

  11. Good for you for knowing what you do and don't want! Bad kissing is definitely a deal breaker. Hope your knee heals soon, ouch!

  12. Lucas and I are going to try to be friends... interested to see how that goes.

  13. Yes exactly. In the beginning, you should be putting your best foot forward! And taking pizza away from me would definitely be ground for termination!!

  14. Brace didn't come off yet. :( Few weeks to go. Sigh.
    But anyway... Yeah plum wine is really not my thing. He should've brought a backup! He was supposed to be trying to impress me!!

  15. His kissing was odd. It was like 1/4 good and 3/4 eating my my face. No thanks!
    My leg is so tiny! I miss my legs! I'm confident physical therapy will help. As always, thanks for reading!

  16. Isn't it crazy how important kissing is?! And yeah, I don't want to waste his time or mine if I'm not feeling it.

  17. That's exactly why I don't like to message endlessly -- you have to meet in person to see if the connection is there.

  18. Eh, it's not a bad world, you just need to be picky and realistic about who you agree to go out with. :) I don't want to waste anybody's time if I'm not feeling it, so better to say it sooner rather than later.

  19. Thank you! Couple more weeks in this damn brace. :(