Sunday, November 3, 2013

My First Post-Divorce Breakup, Part 3: He Gave Me Orgasms

First, a batch of brownies told me it was time to end things with Jason.

Then, after days of excruciating post-breakup texts from him, he sent me a very different text:

“Well let me know if you ever miss the sex enough.”

Here’s the last part of the story of my first breakup since my divorce.

I stood in my kitchen with my mouth full of Baked Tostitos, staring at my phone. Was I walking into a trap? Was he going to accuse me of using him for sex? Or was he offering some freebie? So I carefully responded, “I’m not sure how to interpret that.”

"Hello, this is Kat speaking!"
You guys, I don’t know what the hell happened, but the next thing I knew, starting on a Thursday evening (my wedding anniversary, of all days!) until Sunday afternoon, we had a sexting marathon.

As you may remember, I was introduced to sexting by the 26 Year Old, but he liked some talk and some photos. [He actually just sent me one a few weeks ago. I texted back that he looked hot but I was kind of seeing someone, but would let him know if/when I am single again. Never burn bridges, folks!] It probably goes without saying but I NEVER sexted with Max, and before Max texting didn’t exist. And you know what? I think sexting is awesome. I’m not big on the photos but I love the talk.

Oddly, for the bazillion texts Jason and I had exchanged and how much we liked to talk about sex, we had never sexted. Well, we were sexting like champs and it was hot as hell. No photos, just lots of words.

Among the racy texts I did ask a few times if this might be a bad idea. I didn’t mind our bodies screwing but I definitely minded the possibility of screwing with his mind and heart (and who knows, maybe mine too). He insisted that it wasn’t a bad idea. That’s what I wanted to hear so I went along with it!

We Are Not Getting Back Together. Just Sex.

So, we set a date. Sunday afternoon, he would come over after work and we’d make our sexting dreams come true. I paced my apartment like a damn cat in heat. Finally, a knock at my door.

I opened the door. I hadn't seen him in almost two weeks. He stood there with a devilish grin – not exactly the warm smile I was used to. He stepped in the door and we started kissing. (Uggh, you guys, he is such a good kisser! And I love kissing!) I pushed him away and said, “Look at me. This is not a relationship. We are not getting back together. This is sex.”

He nodded and leaned back in.

“No!” I said, still resisting. “Repeat it back to me first!”

He repeated that we were not getting back together. Just sex.

Then I asked him if he’d been with anyone else since me. He said no, and neither had I, so I grabbed his hand and off to my bedroom we went.

Since I’m not looking for a career in erotic literature, let it suffice to say that we had ourselves some fun and he gave me my orgasms, as usual. When it was over, he left. No cuddling, no kiss goodbye.

In my afterglow, I paced my apartment again. Was that a good idea? How did the sex feel now that it was truly just sex and not tied to feelings? The sex was still hot, that’s for damn sure, but I wasn’t so sure about anything else.

Four hours later, my phone chirped.

We Are Not Getting Back Together. Just Sex. Again.

Him: “Are you up for round 2 at 9:30?”
Me: “Omg are you serious”
Him: “See you in a little over an hour”
Me: “Ok, let’s do it.”
Me: “No sleeping over”

He came over for round 2, and just like in the afternoon, he was gone as soon as it was over.

On Monday, I got another text, this time just “9:00?” With a smiley face. Of course.

What ever happened to romancing? A little foreplay? I wanted my sexts!

First I said no. Then I said yes, because I’m weak like that.

Again, we had our romp. When it was over, again, he bolted out of bed. As he dressed, I attempted to make a little conversation and told him that I might be appearing on Huffington Post Live. He was completely disinterested. Flushed from his orgasm, Jason strolled out of my apartment. And maybe out of my life for good.

Sex with the Ex -- Great Idea or Totally Stupid?

After he left, I also thought about the blog entry I wrote four months ago, when I shared with you my first time having sex after my ex-husband.
“Now that I’ve finally had sex again, oddly, I kind of don’t care when I have it next. The sexual side of me is definitely not going dormant again. But maybe it’s best for me to hover at third base until I have a boyfriend again.”
Maybe I had a point back in June. (Imagine that!)

As much as I love (loved?) sex with Jason, I admit that it lost something without the emotion. The way he walked out of my apartment was obviously completely different from how he used to depart. (Well, when I was actually home to see him depart!) The fact that we barely spoke made me feel a little... icky.

I am still processing what the hell has happened with Jason over just two weeks – from him being “in love,” to having his heart broken, to having emotionless sex. Can things really change that fast? Does this prove my theory that he was never actually in love with me? Or is he just faking a lack of feeling to bed me?

I am proud of how I conducted myself through my divorce; I still want to hold my head high as I venture into uncharted territory in my new sex and dating lives. I’m not ashamed of my choice to have post-breakup sex with Jason. But, I would be lying to you and myself if I told you I’m proud of my choice. And I would never lie to you, dear readers!

But you know if I have another moment of weakness for the Incredible Sex, I will confess to you. I promise!

What was your first breakup after your divorce like? Did you doing the dumping or did the other person? Did you ever get frisky with the ex again?
The Jenny Evolution


  1. Hey Kat! Wow! This is like a whole side of life that I don't do. I guess I am either a prude or 'rigid' according to the last woman I just finished dating. Actually, it is more that my Ex is crazy and I have to deal with her as we have a son together. So I have enough emotional energy being sucked by her. I guess I just don't have room for ambiguous relationships now that might consume more emotional energy.
    Anywhoo, my first breakup post-divorce wasn't a big deal even though she was the first person I had 'been' with for 2.5 years. I dumped her as she was creating drama. She had some insecurities from a previous relationship and was acting them out in ours. I do miss her, but I stay outta her hair even though the sex was good. She is hurt enough already and really just needs to heal.
    Currently contemplating a break from the dating scene. Recent events have led me to believe that I am not as healed as I thought I was. Cheers, --Mike

  2. I'm also planning a break from dating (unless the stars align between me and a certain someone). These dating experiences are great for learn, but I think I've had enough education the past month or so!!
    As always, thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

  3. Well, I wasn't in an actual relationship but was seeing a guy for a while. A little fling. I keep trying to end it but I keep going back for more, I can't seem to help myself!

  4. I hear you. I'm actively trying to resist a booy call from him right now!

  5. It reminds me of the Timberlake/Kunis movie, I can't remember the name of it. :) Thank you for linking to Super Sunday Sync. Have a great rest of the weekend!

  6. It's hard! Mine was texting me all day Friday and Saturday. Today it's slowed down, guess he's disappointed I couldn't see him? Or maybe he found someone who WOULD come over, ha ha!

  7. Andrea{TheUglyTruthMom}November 10, 2013 at 5:00 PM

    My first breakup post divorce sucked, as they all do. I was broken up with, we had been dating 2.5 years, were engaged and living together, then we had to continue to live together for a nother 3 weeks till I could get a place. In that time we had one day of post-breakup sex which was amazing, and made the breakup suck even worse.

  8. Yikes, that sounds really scary to me, especially given how new I am to dating. I don't know which is harder -- being the dumper or the dumpee.
    I had to live with my ex-husband for six months after our divorce was final... I hope to never relive that scenario!

  9. I believe it was called Friends With Benefits!
    As always, thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

  10. Who knows... that is the grey area of hookup-only setups.

  11. I think it's really hard to can only tell with time where it leads!