Sunday, October 27, 2013

My First Post-Divorce Breakup, Part 2: He Gave Me Flowers

In My First Post-Divorce Breakup, Part 1, I told you about the brownies that made me sure I had to break things off with Jason.

As promised, here is Part 2 of the story on my first breakup since my divorce.

The weekend of my half marathon, I made up my mind. I just had to end things with Jason. He was WAY too attached plus I knew I would never be able to date him for realsies. Fun as he is to hang out with and as super fun as he is in the sack, we didn’t connect in our interests or goals. And, again, I just am not keen on a relationship right now.

Planning the breakup

My first plan: Sunday night, I would see him and just do it. It’s not ideal but he can come over to my place in the evening.

The plan buster: I was still exhausted from my race and he had to work late (plus he was in a weird mood), so we didn’t end up seeing each other.

My second plan: Monday night, I would go to apartment after his work and tell him.

You can't get these THEN
dump the guy!
The plan buster: He showed up in the lobby of my office building with this huge smile and a vase with a lovely bouquet of flowers (exactly my taste). He was like, “I missed you this weekend, baby. I just had to get you these!” It made me feel like total crap that he felt so great about a sweet gesture that I did not want.

(There’s a cruel irony that I’d always hoped that Max would send me flowers and he never did. Then I finally get flowers and I don’t want them!)

Obviously I could not dump Jason that day.

My third plan: Wednesday night, I would go to his apartment after work and tell him. (Yes, this is the same as the second plan. I’m not that experienced at this stuff.) I texted him, “Can I see you tonight” and he responded, “Aww babe it’s the little stuff you say that makes me love you so much!” [He would later comment how stupid this exchange made him feel in hindsight.]

I was in trouble.

I drove over to his apartment. Throughout the 20 minute drive, I repeated, “Do not wimp out.”

Kat’s Breakup Background: Before Max and I got together on my 25th birthday in 2005, I only kind of dated two guys before that. Prior to Max, my last “boyfriend” by title was the guy I lost my virginity to in 1998. I actually have remarkably little relationship – and therefore breakup – experience. And I had never broken it off with a guy when he was still smitten.

Outside Jason’s apartment, we sat on the driveway. He was smoking a bowl (and no, I wasn’t – need to think straight in this moment), which he followed up with a Marlboro Menthol. Cigarettes are the 647th reason why Jason would never be my boyfriend.

(P.S. Who the hell smokes menthols?!)

Anyway, he says to me, with that warm smile that melts me, “So, Kat, like, where are we?”

Damn, I guess I gotta do this right now?! I hung my head and said, “I’m sorry, but I’m just not where you are."

He starts chattering about how it’s okay, I’m worth waiting for, and when I’m ready we can – get this – “Reveal to the world how perfect we are together.”

Yeah, this was not going to be easy. (And “perfect”? Really?!)

I shook my head. “No, I’m not going to get there. We’re just so… different.”

That’s the moment when the smile faded and the twinkle in his eye for me disappeared. (Seriously, how does he get a twinkle? Impressive.)

“Oh. I see. Well. Fuck, dude, I didn’t see this coming,” Jason responded.

The next 3-5 minutes are a blur. I start crying a little, babbling that I was sorry. He goes inside. I follow. I try to hug him goodbye. Jason sort of allows it then coldly says, “You need to leave.”

So I did.

The Barrage of Texts Begin

I don't wear ugly shoes like these.
By the next morning (Thursday) he’d defriended me on Facebook. (Can I say again... really?) Then starting at about 9:30 a.m. the barrage of texts began. Jason was heartbroken and confused, and I kept responding to his pathetic, sad texts. He wanted to know if it’s because he didn’t have a career like mine or because he didn’t have a master’s degree. He didn’t understand why I’d end it when we were getting along great and he was treating me well. I tearfully kept texting back until I finally had to stop because we were going in circles. (And more than once I asked if we could talk on the phone. Nope! These 20-somethings love their texting.)

Dear readers, you got a shoutout during his emotional breakdown. He texted, "This is going to make a hell of a blog post. Your readers will be intrigued." I hope you are!

Friday he resorted to “I can’t do anything how could you do this to us” type messages. I said “I’m so sorry you’re hurting” then stopped responding.

Saturday, I got one text, “I just hope by the time you realize you made a mistake it won’t be too late.” I didn't respond at all. Too lame and overdramatic for me to bother!

Sunday, the texts took a turn into, “I don’t need the relationship label can’t we just be together I can’t believe I screwed this up with relationship stuff.” I responded to those because they seemed more reasonable. Ultimately, I said that it was normal and healthy to want a relationship and that he should be with a girl who would happily say I Love You back. And my answer was no, I cannot be with him anymore.

He responded “Fine. Dude I don’t understand what’s going on. Bye.”

I thought this was the end...

Then three days ago he texted me:
“Well let me know if you ever miss the sex enough.”

Oh god. He mentioned the Incredible Sex for the first time. My weakness! It was like wafting a plate of nachos under a bride’s nose a week before her wedding.


Find out how I responded in Part 3, which will be the last in this First Breakup series! 

Peacoats & Plaid


21 comments:

  1. Well... You got me. I guess I'm gonna have to locate Part 1 and look forward to Part 3.

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  2. Here's Part 1: http://1styrdivorce.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-first-post-divorce-breakup-part-1-he.html

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  3. I was really beating myself up about it, even though I knew it was the right thing to do. I definitely would've preferred to be the dumpee.

    Thanks for visiting my blog!

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  4. aww poor guy! I absolutely understand where you're coming from. You didn't feel it. Maybe if he hadn't said that 'I love you' and kept it more casual you would still be together.
    Does he know about your blog?? does he read it??
    I love how he says 'dude' :)

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  5. Gosh, would love to know how you'd handled the last question!

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  6. I have wondered if he'd never said "I love you" if we could've hung out longer. Regardless though, I knew that he felt a lot stronger for me than vice versa.
    Jason knows my blog exists but he doesn't know the URL (same with Max).
    And I know, I love that he says "dude" too. :) Throwback to high school!

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  7. I promise, I will share everything in Part 3!
    And thanks for reading!

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  8. Breaking up. I never did it well. One time I didn't wait for a high school boyfriend at his locker after school and that was all it took. He didn't talk to me for three weeks. Texting makes things so different. People used to have to suffer in silence and now they can guilt you over and over. Good luck.

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  9. Yes! Gone are the days of suffering in silence! And honestly I find it pretty cowardly to hid behind texts when discussing big feelings. Make the that 648th reason he wasn't going to be my boyfriend.

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  10. Sounds like you did the right thing before he got way in over his head. I do believe he had a touch of the 'L' word going on there.


    Thank you for linking to Super Sunday Sync.

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  11. Ugh, he was saying it all the time! It was exhausting. :(

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  12. Carly @ Creating MomOctober 30, 2013 at 1:40 AM

    New follower here. I know you're year is almost over but I'd love to join in for the ride. :)

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  13. Thanks Carly! I'm happy you found me!

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  14. Came over to show some love on hump day and now I have to stay to see what happens next!

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  15. Haha, I got you now! :) Thanks for reading!

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  16. Sweet guy, but as you can clearly see, he has a lot of growing up to do.

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  17. Haha "if you miss the sex enough." Really, he tried everything, didn't he? On to bigger and better things (I hope...we'll see after the next instalment)! Thanks for linking up!

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  18. Thanks for stopping by! The final chapter goes live tonight. ;)
    But yes, there are much better matches for me out there. Looking forward to meeting those men!

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  19. Andrea{TheUglyTruthMom}November 10, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    I'm a new reader, got divorced at basically the same time as you, but was separated a year before that. I just went through a breakup where I was on the other side, and I ahve to say, when he bought you flowers he totally knew things were on there way south...

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  20. Yes! He knew, whether he knew he knew or not! Ha!
    Glad to have you on my post-divorce journey!

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    Rebecca

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