Tuesday, December 31, 2013

27 Reasons I'll Never Forget Being 33 Years Old

On December 27, I turned 34 years young.

Being 33 was one hell of a year! One of the record books, and by “record books” I mean this blog. The year kicked off with a surprise birthday gathering with my closest friends in NYC (thank you again, Sue and Ali!), and it set the tone for the year. My 33rd year was one of ups and downs, but so much growth.

In chronological order, here are the 27 reasons I’ll never forget being 33:

1. Went on some dates with Todd. I thought I was ready to start dating. I wasn’t.

2. Made out with Todd. He was the first guy to see my boobs since Max. I thought I was going to have sex with him. Turned out he had HPV. No sex for me.
        2a.  Got my first of three Gardasil shots. I figured I was single again, so better safe than sorry.

3. Entered a courtroom married. Sat in the big chair next to the judge. Left the courtroom divorced.
         3a.  Started this blog the night before. Yay!

4. Interviewed realtors and then put our condo on the market in February. We thought it would sell in a month. We were wrong.
         4a.  This kicked off a streak of making my bed everyday for six months. I hadn’t done that since I lived under my parents’ roof.

5. Met a more adorable than obnoxious 25-year-old (who would become The 26-Year-Old) who thought I was sexy. Who, me? Hello, ego boost!

6. Bought condoms for the first time since Max and I first started dating. Put said condoms into the inside pocket of every purse I have. In the words of Pretty Woman, I'm a safety girl!

7. Formed a booty call relationship with the 26-Year-Old and had my first orgasm since Max stopped touching me. We hooked up here and there throughout the year (but no sex).

8. For the first time in a decade, I bought a pretty glass bowl and some pot, which I kept hidden in my night table drawer. My rule-following roommate/ex-husband would’ve been none-to-happy if he’d known about it!

9. Selected a wonderful vibrator and discovered the joy of masturbation. This toy is also stored in my night table drawer – they don’t call it a goodie drawer for nothing!

I absolutely love my I'm Married To Me ring.
10. Sold my engagement ring and bought my right hand ring. I've been wearing my new ring for nine months and that ring still fills me with pride and strength.

11. Went to Disney World with my parents, sister, and her two kids. Disney World is the happiest place on earth.

12. Went to Nora’s and Lillian’s weddings back-to-back weekends. I hadn’t gone to a wedding single since 2004. And you know what? I still had fun at both weddings (and, fine, a little crying in the bathrooms too).

13. Slept with someone’s boyfriend. Not my classiest move, but I FINALLY broke my three-year streak of zero sex! But no more getting frisky with a guy I know is taken.

14. Reconnected with Todd. Made out with him on July 4. Thought something would start up with him. I was wrong.

15. Signed up for OKCupid and went on some dates. I had never done online dating before, and I found it to be pretty fun.

16. Went to my first country show -- Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bentley! My two girlfriends and I set up an amazing tailgate and sneaked booze into the amphitheater. Awesome way to spend a summer night.

17. Met Jason, AKA The Incredible Sex. We would date for two months. I adored his openness, intensity, and skills in the sack. I couldn’t stand that he smoked, was irresponsible, less educated than me and my friends, and generally self-centered. Yeah, not exactly my best match, but it was a ton of fun until he told me he loved me and messed it all up!

18. After multiple price drops and tons of frustration, we sold our condo in August. From the verbal offer to closing, the process took not even three weeks. Thank you, cash offer. My verdict on home ownership: it sucked!

19. After being in separate bedrooms for almost a year, Max and I moved into our respective apartments. After living with him for six years, I’m still not totally used to NOT living with him.

20. Had a wonderful night out with my friends for my Divorce Party (but I didn’t call it a "divorce party").

21. Ran my first half marathon on a gorgeous autumn day. It was a wonderful experience and I can’t wait to do another!

22. Survived my first wedding anniversary as a divorcee with a Me Day.

23. Traveled to Cancun with Sue and two other college friends for a week of reading, sleeping, drinking, and eating. I hadn’t been someplace tropical since my honeymoon in 2009.
"Kat, I'm honored to be your secret boyfriend.
Hey baby, let's drop it to the floor."

24. Sat for a family portrait, which meant three married couples... and me. I’m so glad we did it, but it further reminds me that my stupid biological clock is ticking. Will I ever get married again and have kids? Time will tell…

25. Hosted my first party all by myself. I’d always wanted to host a Christmas party, but Max wasn’t one for hosting. And my Christmas brunch was great, if I do say so!

26. Dyed pink streaks into my hair. Because I wanted to, because I can, and because no one can tell me not to!

27. Saw Pitbull, my secret boyfriend, in concert. The night before my 34th birthday, Yoshi took me -- what a great birthday present. (Pitbull is my secret boyfriend because he doesn’t know he’s my boyfriend and I’m going to have his rapper babies.)

How can my 34th year top all of this? What are your predictions for my 34th year? 
Super Sunday Sync


  1. Even better things ahead for you! You are truly thriving, good work, good year!!

  2. What a year it has been!! I'm very inspired by your example. I'm in the middle of a messy divorce right now, a huge legal battle (http://www.torontodivorcelaw.com/) and it doesn't feel particularly hopeful for 2014. This post improved my mood greatly though!

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that your divorce is such a mess. :( I was fortunate that my divorce was about as simple as it could be. All I can say is that it really WILL get better. Good luck and thanks for stopping by my blog!

  4. I predict a wonderful 2014 for you, and for me too!! :) And I know I said it before, but that ring really is a beauty!! Thank you for linking to Super Sunday Sync!! And Happy New Year!

  5. Thanks Rosey! All the best for BOTH of us! :) Stay warm!

  6. Happy Birthday! You've had quite an eventful year and I hope 2014 is an amazing one for you!

  7. Happy Birthday Kat! You sound like you had a full and eventful year! I hope that 2014 will be filled with fun, happy, silly, crazy moments that you'll never forget!

    Thanks so much for sharing on Turn It Up Tuesday! We love having you! :)

  8. Thanks Natasha! 34 is off to a decent start. It's exciting to start a new year, isn't it? :)

  9. It's always great to start a new year - I always feel like there are so many new opportunities for the year! I'll be 31 next month and I'm just looking forward to all the possibilities for the new year! :)

  10. Happy early birthday! We have positive attitudes (most of the time...!) that will serve us well this year.

  11. I just came across your blog. I couldnt be happier. My husband of four years out of no where cane home decenber 5 from deployment and told me when he got off the plane that he had time to think, he fell out of live with me and didnt want to work it out. We have had one argument in 4 years! I love you emails until the day he got home. He named 6 surface issues to a mutual friend three days after being home that were fixed in seconds, still no on his end. I found out two weeks later he as an officer was cheating on me as of three weeks before he cane home with an enlisted girl he's in charge of!!! I knew he was not leaving unless there was someone else. I lost 19 pounds in 4 weeks, filed for divorce and dealing with his bs through my very good attorney.

    Im over him, hes a liar, a sociopath and has narcissistic personality disorder. I dont love this man, he is a delusion, he never existed. I have learned its his fourth engagement, second divorce now.

    Im sorry you went through what you did. I'll be 34 next month. I feel like I can relate. I feel like im losing everything but I feel happy, positive, hopeful and empowered. Thank you for your blog. I hope to move forward quickly like you did. Just upset I have to wear a divorced label now.

  12. Im in dame boat Thomas. I hope yours and mine end peacefully and quickly. Its the absolute worst situation I've ever been in. I dont understand why good people suffer.

  13. Hi Constance -- I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unlike your story, the end of my marriage was a long, slow, sad buildup to the inevitable. My healing started once I filed for divorce. I have learned for others, particularly those who were blindsided like you were, that the healing can start much later. I hope for you that you have a strong support system from your family and friends.
    I was VERY hung up on the idea of the "DIVORCE" label. But I found that people who know me know that I didn't just end my marriage on a whim. I've been very surprised to find that men haven't seemed to care! Most of all, I know that I was a good wife and I tried my best to save my marriage, so it's truly nothing to be ashamed of.

    Good luck and thank you for reading!