Tuesday, September 9, 2014

5 Simple Pleasures of Being Married . . . and 5 Joys of Being Divorced!

You know what I totally miss about being married?
Holding hands while walking to dinner. That was pretty awesome.

You know what I don’t miss about being married?
Compromising on what to have for dinner. That was pretty annoying.

Ahh, Max and I loved annoying each other!
I have been divorced for 19 months (wow!) and living on my own for a year. I can clearly remember – and sometimes, even ache for – the simple joys and pleasures of being Max’s girlfriend, then fiancĂ©e, then wife. He was an awful partner in the biblical sense, but sweet and fun as my significant other.

But other times, when I’m out with friends or blogging on my couch with a cup of tea, I revel in my single/divorced status (I’m never sure which word to use to describe myself). I feel so pleased with my life that I can’t even imagine how a boyfriend would fit in!

It’s the everyday pleasures that make up our lives, so let’s take a look what made me happy when I was married, and what I’m embracing now.

Simple stuff I took for granted when I was married:

  1.  Snuggling and hand holding anytime. I’m physically affectionate, and the truth is I don’t get much contact these days. Just last night, I woke up in the middle of night and my barely waking thought was, I wanna snuggle. Dammit. Pooh Bear and my assortment of pillows just aren’t the same.
  2. Being part of an automatic team. Carrying the groceries up from the car. Putting up the Christmas tree. Attending events when you know no one but your significant other. No problems when you’re married, but challenging (or even depressing) when you’re not.
  3. Getting opinions on how I look. Max is definitely a guy’s guy, but he could be quite useful with helping me decide what clothes look good on me. Now I have to text selfies to my girlfriends and await their verdicts.
  4. Talking about my workday. Max’s brain works differently from mine, so I really liked being able to share my workday and listen to his perspective. He would really help me sort through challenges and frustrations and focus on my goals. 
  5. Not worrying about locking myself out of my apartment. I am super paranoid about locking myself out of my apartment. Like I put my key in my purse a moment before I leave and then look for it like six more times before I close the door. It’s pretty weird. At least when I lived with Max, I knew I’d never have to wait that long for him to return should I ever lock myself out (which I never did in our six years living together). My solution today? Jen and Tina both have copies of my keys.

Simple stuff I embrace about being divorced/single:

  1. Cooking whatever I want. Now that I don’t have to look for recipes that could work for my vegetarian requirements and my meat eating significant other, I’m getting better at cooking. I try more stuff, like this and this!
  2. Sundays. After I moved into my own apartment last year, Sundays were hard for me. I often felt lonely, and even worse, bored! Like, what the heck do I do with myself? No more. Now I love Sundays! They’re great for low pressure dates, or hanging with a girlfriend, or doing alone time. This past Sunday, I ran 9 miles and then took a yoga class, read a book on my patio, and was in bed by 10 p.m. PERFECTION.
  3. Not turning on the TV. I am pleasantly surprised that I sometimes have entire days when I don’t turn on my TV at all. That never happened when I was married. Max is a channel surfer (I hate even watching people do that!). There was always a football game or show on the History Channel that Max would watch. TV came to symbolize noise pollution in my home, not to mention a way to mask the silence between me and my husband.
  4. Making my bed. It’s funny that this makes the list because I always HATED making my bed. As an adult, I tried to force myself to make my bed a few times a week. But Max always got up after me, so that meant our bed was made maybe twice a month. Now? Every single day, I take pride as I smooth the Crate & Barrel duvet cover (wedding gift, of course) across my king size bed.
  5. Having an orgasm. I was in a sexless relationship and I didn’t masturbate, so for years, I had no orgasms. NONE! How freaking sad is that?! I was completely depending on someone else to provide me with the most basic human desire, which is just silly. I'm currently on a break from dating, but no matter -- I have my goody drawer, as every adult should. 

I am proud that I can fondly remember and even miss the little joys from my marriage, but that they don’t cast shadows on my single life.

What are the little things you miss about being in a relationship? And what’s are your simple pleasures about being single?


  1. Embrace the awesome! It's like a new chance to re-invent yourself! Hope you have a great week!

  2. I like my life post-divorce so much it makes me wonder why I ever bothered with marriage, especially to the shrew I wasted a decade with. My life continues to re-energize and re-establish in ways it never could have while I was dragging an anchor. I'll never be married again.

  3. I liked being married, but overall, I think I might like being not married better. That said, I wasn't in a healthy marriage. I am open to getting married again, but it's definitely not a goal.
    I think I'm really good at being unmarried. :)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and sharing your thoughts!

  4. Every person needs a goody drawer, married or not.

  5. Goody drawer! LOL!
    What do I miss? - Seeing my son every day, having a partner in life (well, I mean when we were happy), sharing yardwork, having someone to come home to, trying to make a baby (again, back when we were happy).
    Being single pleasures - 51" HDTV, Surround Sound and a lot of bad action flicks, going out/partying/having no one to answer to, figuring out what I want to do for a living w/o having to consult anyone, freedom to ask anyone to dance with me just because I like their smile...

  6. I love this post!!! Some of the same things you mentioned are why I love being single...and a parent. I still have the busy everyday life which makes the day worth it, but I also have the enjoyment of being single and not having those requirements of being a relationship. Every single woman should have a good drawer...I do!! We are so much alike - I love it! :)

  7. Interesting post! As a married female, I could understand each word written here! Enjoy your 'single' days.

    Thank you for linking up with us on Wake-Up Wednesdays. I am Tanya from Kreative Korner, a co-host for the party.


  8. Haha!! Goody drawer!! You go girl!

  9. Haha thanks! I hope you have one too! ;)

  10. Thank you for visiting!

  11. I'm so glad that you're also enjoying the flexibility and fun of being single. As always, thank you for reading! :)

  12. Yes, it is very easy to miss the good days... when stuff was actually good.
    Max and I had a huge TV but I wanted him to take it. Not going to lie though... I miss it!! And yes, don't you just love coming and going as you please? It's fantastic.

  13. Great post! I've been divorced 2 years and I totally relate to these. It's bittersweet; you grow and learn how to be alone and be truly happy by yourself, learn ways to enrich your life, but you also want companionship. I get it. Thanks for sharing! It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

  14. Thanks Elaine! It is definitely bittersweet.