Monday, August 19, 2013

4 Dates, 2 Non-Dates, and 1 Condo Offer: Could My Shit Be Changing?

Isn’t it weird how life can be “Same Old Shit, Different Day” (to quote The Shawshank Redemption, one of the best movies of all time) and then boom, the Same Old Shit changes? In my case, the shit that's changed is dating (cool!) and housing (YES!!!!!), both since last Sunday’s post. Are you ready for this?


Last Sunday night, I went on a legit date with David. I got a manicure and wore a short dress and heels. He picked the restaurant (Italian, a little romantic) and then we went for a drive for ice cream and took a walk. As you may remember, my concern about David was that I couldn’t picture myself making out with him in parking lot. Well, when we drove me back to my car, he asked if he could kiss me. I HATE THAT. Gentlemen, you should just know if you can or not. So, after I had to say, yes he could kiss me, we smooched a bit. It was fine; he scored points for intensity but he lost them for technique. Weird lip situation.

On Monday night, I had plans for a non-date with Jason, another OKCupid guy. He is a tatted up 27-year-old who manages a restaurant and makes less than half my salary – in other words, not “my type” but I’m determined to go out with just about anybody just for the hell of it. Over the weekend before I met him he was totally blowing up my phone (I think that is how these 20-somethings are). Oh, and he called me “hon” over text. Yuck. I was on the verge of canceling our non-date, but figured I had nothing better to do on a Monday night so I went. I met him at a bar, and we started with generic non-date chatter over beers. We ended up playing Photo Hunt and then pool (meaning I missed every shot while he sunk them all). Well, somehow our non-date lasted almost three hours! I texted Jen while he was in the bathroom: "He's kind of adorable. This is fun. WTF."

Please, do tell me more about me!
As the week progressed, I had both guys texting me. Come Friday, I had a dinner date planned with Jason. Then David asked if I had time to meet him for happy hour after work. So, yup, I met David for a glass of wine. Over the 90 minutes I spent with him (and his repeated leaps to kiss me), it became very clear: I’m just not into this dude. Letting him know is on my To Do list this week.

I left David and 4 minutes later I had dinner with Jason at the restaurant he manages. We then went out for some beers. While I was enjoying myself, I couldn't help but laugh to myself about how odd we looked together. There I was in my dressy tank top from Cache and patent heels and Coach purse. There he was fresh the tattoo parlor (not exaggerating) wearing a vodka t-shirt and his hair in a weird ponytail thing. But we had so much fun! He’s sweet and so affectionate, not to mention super open about wanting to get to know me better. And telling me that I’m beautiful. Remember how I couldn’t imagine making out with David in a parking lot? Totally could – and did – with Jason.

By the way, I did tell both David and Jason that I’m enjoying being single for the first time in eight years, and that any dating I might do must go slowly. I said straight out to Jason to cool it with the texting because he was going to scare me off. (He is “working on it.” And doing a good job with it, I might add.)

I thought I should deactivate my online dating profile for a few weeks, but my mom and Ali thought that was a terrible idea and I should strike while the iron is hot. So, since I was indeed on a roll, I met Tim, also from OKCupid, for a coffee non-date on Saturday. He’s 29, good job, definitely smart, and a good writer. Oh and he has really nice forearms. I kind of wanted to lick them. We had a perfectly nice coffee encounter and he followed up that night to invite me to dinner. I said sure, so he’s taking me out tomorrow.

To wrap up the week, Jason and I met Sunday for a beer, then a movie, followed dinner. You guys, why am I so drawn to him?! He is not the hottest guy I've ever gone out with. He wore the same shirt on Sunday that he wore when I met him on Monday. I’m not sure if he has a college degree (yes, I’m a snob about that). But man, there is just something about him. He openly expresses how he feels. He has a really warm and engaging smile. He isn’t shy about hugging and kissing me. It should be freaking me out… but it’s not (yet). As if to seal the deal, when we said goodbye, he kissed me in my car and holy shit. Like HOLY SHIT. He is such a good kisser. He totally blew my mind. We were those disgusting people sucking face in my car for a long time! Don’t tell, but I am kind of excited to see him again. I think he could be a really great Mr. Right Now.

From Sunday to Sunday, here was my dating tally:
  • two dates with David
  • a non-date and two dates with Jason
  • a non-date with Tim
I haven’t had a week like that since… ever. I also kissed two different guys in one night. I haven’t done that since Halloween 2001. I was so pleasantly surprised that these three men were polite and gentlemanly, ranging from texting me things like, “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow” and “Had a great time tonight” to holding doors for me to complimenting me in a very genuine way (and not following up with an attempt to get in my pants).

And you know what is awesome for me? How turned on both David and Jason were, and even admitted to it and laughed about it after kissing me. I can’t remember the last time Max kissed me and became aroused naturally. It might have been 2009. Sadly, I’m not kidding. I forgot that kissing can have that effect on a man.


I’m so scared to write this but… after six months on the market, my condo is in the process of selling! We had a CASH offer Tuesday night, it was accepted Wednesday morning. Thursday was the inspection and appraiser visit. We’re now just waiting for the signed contract. It’s all moving! So, on Saturday, I went apartment hunting and I found the perfect apartment for me. My application was accepted and my lease starts on September 1. I can’t believe it!

But… this also means I’ve had tears in my eyes almost once a day ever since. I am so, so, SO excited to live alone in my very own apartment and really complete the divorce process and move on with my life. But I’m also so sad about saying the final goodbye with Max. Dividing our belongings. “You take the waffle iron and I’ll take the mini chopper.” Max has been in such denial that this would really happen that he’s been walking around in a dazed, stressed fog. He has been firmly hiding under the guest room bed while I have been working on sorting through my new life for a year now. I’m sad, but I will be fine. (My friends are already planning my “welcome back” party!) I am terribly worried that Max will turn in to a recluse, and I’m not entirely exaggerating. I know it’s not my problem anymore, but I will always love and worry about him.

So how is that for a crazy, life changing couple of days? More dates in one week than I have had in my life, lots of smooching, a condo offer, an apartment lease, and of course, some tears. It just goes to show that after a lot of the same old shit, your life can totally change.

What was the moment when your life took a positive turn after your divorce?

See also: 5 Reasons to Date Multiple Men at Once.
Super Sunday Sync


  1. Its great that you're having so much fun and meeting different people! Live life to the fullest! Max should be doing that too, but he'll have to figure that out for himself, or with a little help from his friends.

  2. Oh, I love tattooed men!
    It's good that the online dating is working out for you. It hasn't bee so good for me, I'm afraid.
    It looks like someone will have some sexy time soon :) Good!
    Good luck with the house.

  3. Congratulations on the new apartment!

    I like that you're seeing Jason again. Time should be spent with those who really move us. Good luck with the dating scene. :)

  4. It really has been fun to meet these new people, not to mention a nice growing experience for me.

  5. I've never gone out with a tattooed guy! And my ex was/is SUPER straight edge. I agree, I think there will be a little PG-13 fun coming my way soon. Obviously I will be sharing! I love to kiss and blog.

  6. That is a good point. I shouldn't question why I'm drawn to him... just roll with it for now!

  7. Oh man.. this post sounds like my life in the last year compressed into just a few short months! My life took a positive turn starting at the end of July 2012 and went through waves of progress/stall-mate. It started with my interview at the end of July and job offer at my present job, moving up here, starting my job, starting a bit of online dating (late Sept), getting my part-time job (late Nov), finally having my divorce finalized (2/28/13!), realizing our house wasn't going to sell and beginning the foreclosure process, meeting and dating the guy I'm seeing now, and moving into my own place. It's a scary process - honestly wanting to be excited and happy about it but at the same time there's a part of your mind that's literally waiting for the other shoe to drop or for something to fall flat. Good things are happening!!

    This post made me start to think about blogging about my dates/conquests over the past year; I kept track of them over time with simple notes but never completely wrote about them. Now I'm thinking about doing it in a way that won't completely tear me or them down.. I used to worry that the number of different guys I dated/went out with/non-dated was unusual but... I'm starting to think it's within the normal range. I hate that I'm such a n00b to the dating thing at 30 years old.

  8. I am all for blogging about anything that will entertain you. There is a reason why I blog under Divorced Kat and there are no photos of me or my loved ones in my blog (which is kind of a bummer). When I started this, I promised my ex that there would be no identifying details anywhere in here in exchange for me being super honest.

  9. Sounds like a great few days! The dating is probably perfect for you now - go out with a bunch of different guys, even guys you'd not normally think to date (like Jason!) just to get a feel for what you really want. Exciting!

  10. Wow that's so cool!! I'm glad things are moving so quickly! I find it hard to believe that I would ever find anybody else. I feel like "If I let go of him, I'll lose everything". I'm not really that great-looking, per se. I'd have to rely on personality, really. Unfortunately, too many dating sites are "look [at the pic] first, read later" - if at all. I don't have any confidence in myself and my ability to find someone. Of course, as I've mentioned to you before, I'm never looking for Mr. Right Now, just always Mr. Right.

  11. It's funny, after so long being alone (including being alone but married), it feels like forever since i was last single. I remember before I realized I HAD to get divorced feeling just like that -- if I lost him, I'd lose everything. It's amazing that I felt like that since I'm feeling so strong now.
    I've never dated before (I was single for years and then I met Max), so I have no idea if I can do Mr. Right Now either. We'll find out though! Hang in there... you'll date when you're good and ready.

  12. It is fun. Good to challenge myself and my ideas for what "my type" is.