Sunday, May 5, 2013

Dissolution of Kat's Marriage: The Soundtrack

Let’s talk music. No, not my wedding song or anything obvious like that. Let’s talk the totally mainstream songs that I would hear on the radio or in Spinning class and suddenly be overwhelmed with emotion about Max, my marriage, and/or my future.

Over the previous year or so leading up to my divorced, there were songs that would strike a nerve every stinking time I heard them. Still now when I hear them, I get a pang. Let me share a few tunes from the soundtrack of Kat’s collapsing marriage.

Animal – Neon Trees

The line “I won’t be denied by you” cut so deep. Max denied me every night for years. I so wanted to be passionately desired.

Yeah – Usher

I know, kind of random, but the line about wanting “a lady in the street but a freak in the bed” made me sad. Yes, I’m serious. I totally wanted to be married to someone who could love all parts of me. That will be top of my list for my next boyfriend.

Shattered – O.A.R. 

“How many times can I break ‘til I shatter?” Enough said.

I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz

In August 2012, I stayed with my dear friend Sue for a month to give Max and me some space to figure out what to do next. During that time, Max’s devastated mother sent me an email, asking me to please listen to this song and fight harder. She meant well, but it hurt me terribly. I hadn’t given up on us; Max had given up on himself a long time ago and there was truly nothing I could do to help him.

Somebody that I Used to Know -- Gotye

This song haunted me all last summer when I knew deep in my heart that things were going to end. There was a time years ago that I actually told Max once that I “felt so happy [I] could die.” And now I was terrified of him going from the center of my world to "just somebody that I used to know." Did I cry driving home from work on I-95? Oh yes. More than once.

Oh, and the day I got divorced, it was the first song I heard when I went to lunch with my parents. Obviously.

The second half of the soundtrack will be my empowerment songs, but that collection is still in progress! Check back this summer for the rest of the list.

What are the songs that can bring you right back to the heartache of your break up?


  1. Ohhh Shattered... :(

    I can't wait to see your list of empowerment songs!

    1. I know, right. Just putting this list together made my heart hurt... it's like I was right back in 2011-2012 and I was crying in my Sentra.

  2. Somebody that I used to know. That's a good one. Or it should be Somebody that I happen to have kids with.

    1. Ha! I can't imagine feeling like the father of my [imaginary] kids is a stranger.