Sunday, March 24, 2013

I, Kat, Promise to Love, Honor, and Cherish MYSELF.

You sure looked good on me. I'll miss you.
For any woman who’s gotten engaged, you remember the feeling of being borderline or actually obsessed with your new engagement ring. It’s new and sparkly and (yikes!) expensive, but best of all, an exciting statement to the world: someone loves me so much that he wants to spend his entire freaking life with ME! [See the story about how he proposed.]

I was no different. I love my engagement ring. I had no idea at the time, but Max shopped and compared and agonized over finding the perfect ring for me. It is a round cut diamond in a classic solitaire setting – a lovely reflection of Max’s and my tastes. I wore it with much pride and love for four and half years.

But as things disintegrated between Max and me, the ring felt more like a burden than a symbol of love. By autumn 2012, I was very ready to take it off. Once we’d picked a mediator, I was done. I put the ring in a box and hid it in my underwear drawer. I didn’t even want to see the box anymore.

I started detaching myself emotionally from the ring and shifted towards viewing it as an asset with monetary value. I decided that as soon as the divorce was final, I would sell it and use some of the money to buy myself a ring for my right hand and put the rest of money in my savings account.

I spent the past two months going to jewelers to see what they would pay me for it (not enough!), and eventually found someone to sell it for me on eBay. I then placed the order for my new bling – a set of three stackable rings, each ring with 12 diamonds in a different shade of gold. It looked absolutely nothing like any engagement or wedding band I’ve seen. It would be a little funky but classy. The perfect “I’m married to me!” ring.

Look, depression in a box!
Well, on Thursday, the time came to send my ring off to the eBay seller. That morning, I put it on one last time. As I packaged up the ring, I was surprised to feel a knot in my chest and a lump in my throat. This ugly brown box and plastic wrap was so unworthy of transporting the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’d ever had. Some stranger was going to sell this ring, and some other stranger will (hopefully) buy it. SOME OTHER WOMAN WILL WEAR MY RING. Was I really ready to say goodbye to the ring and the promises it symbolized? I considered waiting to send it, but whether I sent it that day or in a month, it would still hurt, so no time like the present. And there was no way this ring was coming to my new apartment whenever I move. I took a deep breath and sealed the box with excessive packing tape. [UPDATE: See the ring on eBay.]

I went to my company’s mailroom to send it off. Here’s how the conversation with Tom the mailroom guy went:

[me entering the value of the package on the UPS website]
Tom: Uh, did you mean to put in that many zeros?
Me: Yes.
Tom: Wow, what’s in there?
Me: My engagement ring.
Tom: Oh, you getting it sized or something?
Me: Nope. I just got divorced. I’m selling it.
Tom: Uh, I’m really sorry… uhh…
[awkward pause]
Me: I know, you feel awkward now. Stop feeling awkward. Let’s get this shipped!

Next thing I knew, Tom was putting my beloved ring in with the pile of other packages for the UPS driver. (By the way, my package was the most expensive thing Tom’s ever shipped. At least he got a good story to tell his buddies this weekend.) With a $126 charge for the shipping fee slapped on my credit card, I headed back to my desk with a heavy heart.

It's not a coincidence that I got a manicure.
I'm going to show this baby off!
But! How is this for timing? The next morning, the jeweler called to say my ring was ready a week early (and not a moment too soon).

I put it on today and tears sprang to my eyes. The small diamonds sparkled against the three shades of gold. I might have another great love, or I might not. But no matter what happens in my life, this new ring will be on my right ring finger. It’s my promise to love, honor, and cherish ME.

What did you do with your engagement or wedding ring?

GFunkified

31 comments:

  1. I love your beautiful new right hand ring. And I must say, I think it suits you better ;)

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  2. Aww thank you. :) It probably does suit me better because it only had to reflect MY taste!

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  3. I have mine and it's mine just like his is his. I don't know what I will do with it. It's just a ring but it almost seems like a pain in the ass to sell. Maybe some day I'll get motivated to get some $$ for it and fund a nice vacation for myself. That sounds like a good idea actually.. :)

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    1. Yes! Treat yourself to SOMETHING. Getting a divorce is the biggest pain in the ass on so many levels, so you deserve something. Vacation sounds like the perfect reward.

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  4. Hi Kat,

    I admire your courage and style.

    Kudos
    An Lidia Thys

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  5. You are adorable!! We are very much on the same page! It's really funny, my next novel, (being released this summer) is about a divorced woman who doesn't know what to do with her engagement ring so she sells it on craigslist for 99 cents! The catch is, SHE gets to pick the buyer, and starts interviewing all these guys getting ready to pop the question.

    I would love for you to guest blog (post this blog) on my blog. Please let me know if you'd like to do that! www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com.

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    1. Totally want to read your novel! I love that idea.
      Yes, the guest post sounds great! I'd be honored. :) What do you need me to do? You can email me at kfc122779 [at] gmail [dot] com.

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  6. Mine is still hidden in my sock drawer....I'm not ready to part with it yet.....maybe false hope that stbx might come to his senses???

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    1. Leave it there until you're ready to deal with it in a way that feels right for you.
      My wedding dress is still in its preservation box at my parents' house. For whatever reason I was able to sell my engagement ring but I can't part with my dress yet.

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    2. Mine is in the same place too lol

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  7. Kat - I sold my engagement ring and used it as the downpayment on a car that I've always wanted. A baby blue mustang convertible. Yes. This car screams divorce. Yes. This car is used and as a result is providing me with some headaches. But to me, my car is freedom. There's no feeling in the world like putting the top down, hitting the open road, and feeling, well, free. After feeling like I lived in a cage, for years, there's nothing better.

    Thank you also for starting this blog. My divorce has been in the works for more than a year (the state I live in has very old-school divorce laws) but it will be final, hopefully, any day now. Your blog makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you.

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  8. Hot car! Good for you!! I think it's really important to do something for yourself with the ring money. My engagement ring paid for my new ring, but it will also help me buy a couch and TV whenever the hell I move out. Should I have anything leftover, it'll go in my savings account.


    And thank you for your kind words. You are not alone! There are tons of us. I have "met" so many people in similar situations through my blog and on Twitter. Hang in there... better things are ahead for all of us. :)

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  9. I just saw that you sold it...congratulations! I had to tuck away my engagement and wedding ring when my first husband died. I wore it for a while, but then it started to feel wrong. And, I bought my own right hand ring, because I felt so naked and...I don't know....ready to face the world again. I love yours, it's gorgeous!!

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  10. My sister was widowed and she went through a similar struggle. She ended up using the diamond and making a necklace with it.
    Corny has it sounds, I feel like my ring gives me strength. Sounds like you have a similar attachment to yours.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  11. I think I am going to sell mine, too, and put the money toward savings. Or plastic surgery. Savings toward plastic surgery.

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  12. Do whatever will make you feel good! Whether it's my right hand ring or if you get s butt lift, make a choice that happily moves you forward!

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  13. Andrea{TheUglyTruthMom}November 10, 2013 at 5:16 PM

    I have been trying to decide what to do with mine. i rememebr saying when we broke up I was going to keep it forever, now I feel like why would I keep something from someone who walked away from me?

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  14. Andrea{TheUglyTruthMom}November 10, 2013 at 5:19 PM

    BTW how did you go about trying to sell your ring, Maybe email me, Do places besides pawn shops even buy them? HELP anburty at gmail dot com

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  15. I had no intention of keeping the ring. Too painful.

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  16. That ring can certainly be both a blessing and a burden!

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  17. It was sad to get rid of my lovely engagement ring, but truly in the long run, I'm relieved to not have it.

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  18. Both are beautiful rings. I'm happy your first ring sold, and happy the second one makes you happy. That's a lot of 'happy's' in one sentence, I know. :) Here's to bright futures!!

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  19. I love your new ring! I want one, too, even though I'm not divorced.

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  20. Thanks Rosey! Good to have the old ring gone, but it sure was pretty...

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  21. Thanks Christi! It makes me happy everyday.

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  22. Atta girl! So symbolic and your new ring is just gorgeous!

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  23. Thank you Linda! It means so much to me.

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  24. Your new ring is beautiful! Good for you for doing something for yourself, i can understand why it was hard for you though!

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  25. Thanks Lauren! I have been wearing my right hand ring for well over a year now and I'm still totally in love with it!

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