tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post9093646898340894908..comments2023-07-04T09:58:32.905-04:00Comments on My Tales of Life and Love After Divorce: How Do You Cross the Gap From "Dating" to "Relationship"? (Answer: I have no clue.)Divorced Kathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01740271601866523220noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-77964670240650681112015-01-27T22:07:04.848-05:002015-01-27T22:07:04.848-05:00As usual, you give me really good food for thought...As usual, you give me really good food for thought. I have never dated a divorced person. Might be time to try that out...Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-45785878404212534492015-01-26T20:08:47.047-05:002015-01-26T20:08:47.047-05:00Could be his Modus Operandus.
Anyways, 35+, attr...Could be his Modus Operandus. <br />Anyways, 35+, attractive, articulate, etc. but never married is a BIG flag for me. Usually a sign of some psychological issues. I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer and jinx it for you though.<br />Better to go with divorced, bruised, beaten but still ready to try for love. You want someone that as you get closer to them can admit their faults, tell you how they want to improve, communicate with you and say they are sorry when it is appropriate.mike snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-69104711734887197002015-01-22T10:36:58.815-05:002015-01-22T10:36:58.815-05:00I think everyone is afraid of getting hurt, but it...I think everyone is afraid of getting hurt, but it's definitely amplified when you've gone through something so shitty as divorce. <br />Ryan's communication is fading, which isn't a good sign on many levels. Perhaps THIS is why he's perpetually single -- does he walk away just when there's the real possibility of connecting with a woman?Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-41921463317290258842015-01-20T14:35:55.472-05:002015-01-20T14:35:55.472-05:00You know I never thought of it as The Gap, but you...You know I never thought of it as The Gap, but you are right, there is one. As a 43 year old guy with a kid, I think I feared the gap for different reasons like; Is this person worth my very limited time? Will they treat my son right? How are we going to make this work when she lives 45 min from me? - we have busy jobs and have kids to boot! <br /><br />I think a lot behind the questions was just a lot of fear of putting myself out there emotionally again. -My ex wife wounded me very badly by her post divorce actions in regards to my son. So that didn't set the stage well. On top of that I dated two women - one was not physically available much as she had two elderly parents to take care of that lived with her. The last woman I dated said she was emotionally available, but I think she was just too wounded. Our relationship tore apart in about two months because I wasn't emotionally available either - too consumed with anger over how my ex wife treated me.<br /><br />In the end, I guess both of you really have to be ready and emotionally strong to survive the Gap! I was able to get through it with my girlfriend as she was my friend before we ever dated. But is has taken a lot of trust, communication and patience! The communication was probably the hardest for me, but it has really paid off in the end.<br /><br />I hope you and Ryan make it and I hope he has some good answers as to why he hasn't ever been married.<br /><br />Cheers, --Mikemike snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-3977515624443118952015-01-16T23:46:23.319-05:002015-01-16T23:46:23.319-05:00Mind the gap. I think that's a movie. Great ...Mind the gap. I think that's a movie. Great analogy though. Good luck!Live by Surprisenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-76382414194675486812015-01-15T12:49:20.510-05:002015-01-15T12:49:20.510-05:00It's totally me trying to protect myself. I gu...It's totally me trying to protect myself. I guess it's only human, but perhaps even more so for those of us who weathered divorce.Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-60271712763276877082015-01-15T12:47:51.694-05:002015-01-15T12:47:51.694-05:00Your story with your ex wife sounds like me with m...Your story with your ex wife sounds like me with my ex. We were very much on the same page, pretty much right from the start. Our first date was 10 years ago this month!<br /><br /><br />I totally agree about following my gut. My gut is good on this guy... I just hope he doesn't do some weird freak out and disappear on me.<br /><br /><br />Thanks so much for reading -- I especially appreciate the male perspective. :)Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-70395905723611967382015-01-14T14:37:12.782-05:002015-01-14T14:37:12.782-05:00I totally get the gap! In fact I had it myself jus...I totally get the gap! In fact I had it myself just a couple of weeks ago, and like you, without a real clear trigger-things were (and phew-still are!) going well, so what's up with that?<br />I think for me, it's like a protection...my ex essentially left me for someone else and part of me still thinks, when I'm vulnerable, that maybe it could happen again-after all, I've been seeing this guy for several months, and my ex and I were together for 13 years!<br />And I also think for me at least, it was a good chance to pause and check back in with myself that this was a relationship I did really want to commit myself to.<br />I hope, and I'm certain you will, get over the gap!Leonie Brownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-89270035230987687012015-01-13T16:52:59.457-05:002015-01-13T16:52:59.457-05:00I've gone through this too; it's always th...I've gone through this too; it's always the toughest hurdle. Especially for me. I've had two long-term relationships. The first one was with a girl I'd known for years and we were in the same circle of friends, so we already knew each other & never really went through the awkward "I like you but do you like me? Are we going to take that plunge together?" stage. The second relationship was with my now ex-wife; things moved very quickly from the beginning, but that was because we were completely on the same page about how much we liked each other and what we were looking for from the start and had few hiccups, a rare occurrence.<br /><br />Now that I'm divorced, I've gone through the same thing you have; meeting someone, having a few really good dates, and then figuring out whether it's worth it to take the next step. I always try to trust my gut with that, because my gut is rarely wrong.Artnoreply@blogger.com