tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post1100641813489043969..comments2023-07-04T09:58:32.905-04:00Comments on My Tales of Life and Love After Divorce: Was My Marriage a Mistake?Divorced Kathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01740271601866523220noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-86177580414509077482014-08-07T11:03:42.367-04:002014-08-07T11:03:42.367-04:00Thanks Edie! This wasn't an easy one to write,...Thanks Edie! This wasn't an easy one to write, but I'm so glad I did it.Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-22068874361650961102014-08-06T15:20:22.422-04:002014-08-06T15:20:22.422-04:00Love this post.Love this post.Edie Wyatthttp://itsanewlesbian.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-34310406173386674122014-02-03T21:10:03.631-05:002014-02-03T21:10:03.631-05:00So true. Thanks for sharing your blog post too!So true. Thanks for sharing your blog post too!Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-25622045216156962622014-02-03T09:58:41.776-05:002014-02-03T09:58:41.776-05:00Exactly - not a mistake if you learned and grew! ...Exactly - not a mistake if you learned and grew! Just like I suggest in my blog: http://bit.ly/Mv4xsiLive by Surprisenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-6853436903336344282013-11-22T14:59:19.158-05:002013-11-22T14:59:19.158-05:00That is definitely how I prefer to think about my ...That is definitely how I prefer to think about my relationships too. I just don't know where they are leading me yet...Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-18288511129344289312013-11-22T13:57:34.579-05:002013-11-22T13:57:34.579-05:00I really do not consider any past relationships a ...I really do not consider any past relationships a mistake, just a stepping stone to my wife..Kung Phoonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-82734707319643651062013-10-14T09:45:26.191-04:002013-10-14T09:45:26.191-04:00So true -- just because mistakes were made doesn&#...So true -- just because mistakes were made doesn't mean the relationship was a mistake. (Doesn't change some of the tough feelings we must experience though.)<br />Thanks for stopping by my blog!Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-69401072067619372532013-10-14T09:44:13.870-04:002013-10-14T09:44:13.870-04:00I'm so glad my blog is helping you in some way...I'm so glad my blog is helping you in some way. I wish you well on your journey.Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-16772747653202866602013-10-13T19:31:18.833-04:002013-10-13T19:31:18.833-04:00My marriage ended after 25 years. I've spend ...My marriage ended after 25 years. I've spend 2 years doing the post-mortem, doubting my judgement about almost everything. We could have done a lot better, but we did the best we knew how with the tools that we had.<br /><br />I think we will both do better in the future, but I feel sadness and regret that I failed myself, my kids, my husband.<br /><br />Mistakes were made, but I won't believe that the marriage itself was a mistake.<br /><br />thanks for your blog!Sharona Zeenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-62792589543521655282013-10-12T12:00:41.125-04:002013-10-12T12:00:41.125-04:00Hi Kat. I just ran into your blog. I am living wit...Hi Kat. I just ran into your blog. I am living with my ex. And we are talking about a 25 yr relationship. Your blog has been very helpful to process. I also look at what I am doing as letting go gently. <br /><br />Scarl3tnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-59951017099821469902013-10-07T22:30:10.875-04:002013-10-07T22:30:10.875-04:00It can be hard, or even impossible, to know in the...It can be hard, or even impossible, to know in the moment. I still don't know why I had to go through the heartache, but in time I'll be able to make sense of it. I already know I've grown a ton from this experience.Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-29496368863902306582013-10-07T22:02:31.029-04:002013-10-07T22:02:31.029-04:00I am with, I think there are lessons that are esse...I am with, I think there are lessons that are essential for you to take into the next phase of your life. Been there and I have always believed there was a reason and time for that person, not a mistake.Melissanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-1444461716658994332013-10-07T13:53:10.931-04:002013-10-07T13:53:10.931-04:00I'm so glad you happened to see this post toda...I'm so glad you happened to see this post today, but I'm so sad to hear about your struggles. I hope that you and your spouse are able to find peace, whether that is together or separate. Good luck.Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-34736876049969887472013-10-07T13:45:17.765-04:002013-10-07T13:45:17.765-04:00I think someday when I find love again, I will ver...I think someday when I find love again, I will very much feel that way too.Divorced Katnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-54871063572339934702013-10-07T13:03:55.520-04:002013-10-07T13:03:55.520-04:00Ugh. I find myself at the place you were probably...Ugh. I find myself at the place you were probably at right before you decided your marriage with Max was over. Only we have two small children in the mix. We've been married 8 years, together as a couple for 11, and we've been uttering - or screaming - the D word a lot lately. I, too, have wondered if my decision to marry so young (22) was a mistake. But when kids are in the equation, it's impossible to truly believe the union was a mistake because I got some amazing children out of it. I like the perspective of knowing that the relationship taught you something - the most important thing being what you won't put up with from a man. That's extremely important. Good for you for taking a positive take on your marriage. And don't give up on having kids. You're still young enough to make all that happen. As for me, we're about to meet with our 3rd marriage counselor to try to salvage this relationship that once just happened so easily and effortlessly. Thanks for such an honest post. It was a good one to pull out of the archive today.Elizabethhttp://www.RocksNoSaltMommy.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-90213419666675529782013-10-07T12:58:16.663-04:002013-10-07T12:58:16.663-04:00Ugh. I find myself at the place you were probably...Ugh. I find myself at the place you were probably at right before you decided your marriage with Max was over. Only we have two small children in the mix. We've been married 8 years, together as a couple for 11, and we've been uttering - or screaming - the D word a lot lately. I, too, have wondered if my decision to marry so young (22) was a mistake. But when kids are in the equation, it's impossible to truly believe the union was a mistake because I got some amazing children out of it. I like the perspective of knowing that the relationship taught you something - the most important thing being what you won't put up with from a man. That's extremely important. Good for you for taking a positive take on your marriage. And don't give up on having kids. You're still young enough to make all that happen. As for me, we're about to meet with our 3rd marriage counselor to try to salvage this relationship that once just happened so easily and effortlessly. Thanks for such an honest post. It was a good one to pull out of the archive today.Elizabethhttp://www.RocksNoSaltMommy.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-63094581960500568042013-10-07T11:46:28.388-04:002013-10-07T11:46:28.388-04:00They were never a mistake. I think the lessons you...They were never a mistake. I think the lessons you learn and how they affect you, to the core of you. Turns you into the person that you are. I tell my second husband all the time that if I hadn't gotten married and went through all that I did, I wouldn't be the woman that he loves. That's how I look at it.Michelle DeLorge@ Scattered Wrnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-52218326651186033462013-05-21T08:54:49.375-04:002013-05-21T08:54:49.375-04:00I think part of what made it so hard for me to wal...I think part of what made it so hard for me to walk away from Max was that we rarely fought. We've always gotten along so nicely. (This probably speaks to the absence of passion in our relationship.)<br />I like that you can say it was a mistake, but not one that you regret -- you're taking responsibility but not belittling the choice. I too hope to be friends with Max... if we ever sell our condo and stop living together!!!<br />Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)Divorced Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01740271601866523220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-77344491944337842282013-05-20T12:10:44.433-04:002013-05-20T12:10:44.433-04:00Well the definition of mistake is " An error ...Well the definition of mistake is " An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness", so if I use that definition, then yes, my marriage was a mistake. A week before our wedding I was writing in my journal how I didn't think he loved me and on our wedding day I was pleasantly surprised when we didn't have a major fight. That should have been a clue. I was creeping up on 30 years old and the ex is a good man. I thought he was the best I could get..even if he didn't love the true me. What he wanted in a woman wasn't crazy or unobtainable so I thought I could just change for him. It would stick for a while and then the real me would creep back in and the huge "great move out" fights would ensue. Finally in October 2008 I could no longer keep up the charade and was the real me 24/7. And the real me and him were just not compatible. Our divorce was final 12/15/09. It took some time, but we are now very good friends. We care for each other and want good things for each other, but we just don't want to be together. So yes, my marriage was a mistake, but not a mistake that I regret. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-38045611415738769372013-05-09T15:31:10.278-04:002013-05-09T15:31:10.278-04:00Thank you! I like that idea of decisions being mad...Thank you! I like that idea of decisions being made in real time. In hindsight, we're all geniuses.Divorced Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01740271601866523220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-18480828975698646352013-05-08T11:02:02.390-04:002013-05-08T11:02:02.390-04:00Hi Divorced Kat,
Love your blog! I could never c...Hi Divorced Kat,<br /><br />Love your blog! I could never consider my marriage albeit a short one a mistake. We were blessed with two incredible children and have both learned a lot over the years. I don't believe in regrets because every decisions is a lesson in real time, the key is how we use it and move forward in our life. <br /><br />Liberated Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06269548980766051366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-25008588133574805762013-04-23T22:04:10.454-04:002013-04-23T22:04:10.454-04:00One of my mottos is that I don't believe in re...One of my mottos is that I don't believe in regret.Divorced Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01740271601866523220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-4292628742171403172013-04-23T22:03:48.310-04:002013-04-23T22:03:48.310-04:00I think the only "mistake" I could make ...I think the only "mistake" I could make would be making the same mistake again because that would suggest I didn't learn the first time!Divorced Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01740271601866523220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-15299353555482963742013-04-23T18:50:33.060-04:002013-04-23T18:50:33.060-04:00Learning experience...not a mistake!
I don't...Learning experience...not a mistake! <br /><br />I don't waste energy thinking about what I could have/should have done differently. Rather, I use my past to help me do better going forward. Lisa Arendshttp://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1883263011548393946.post-76229708051524799182013-04-23T13:55:05.193-04:002013-04-23T13:55:05.193-04:00I share the same view as Jen. Looking back on thin...I share the same view as Jen. Looking back on things would definitely make you have some doubts on whether or not anything you did was a mistake, marriage included. But that's with the benefit of hindsight. Our entire life is a big learning process. As long as you pick up lessons on the way, then nothing is a mistake.Harriett Youngberghttp://themillardlawfirm.com/noreply@blogger.com